Just got the dreaded call- and it was what was expected. Even though I knew this yesterday, it hurts just as much today. There is no other way to say it- this totally sucks sucks sucks.
My IVF nurse gave me a bunch of donated Menopur & Bravelle, the most expensive meds, to get me started should we decide to go again. She just saved me around $4,000 since we are maxed out of our prescription drug cap. The drugs that I would have to order that I still need only total about $175, which is a drop in the bucket. I also made an appointment next Tuesday for a follow up with our doc to discuss further financing options if we do IVF cycle #2 since we are paying 100% out of pocket. One of the nurses mentioned sometimes with special cases they will give a discount. If he isn't able to help us, we have to decide what to do next. We thought about trying on our own for the rest of this year and picking back up in 2012 but M & I have a lot to talk about. I would like to try to enjoy the summer but every month I'm not proactively doing something to have a baby is a month I feel we will be squandering. I know it's not right to think that way, but I can't help it.
One thing is for sure- if I am blessed enough to have 2 normal embryos next time, you better believe both of those babies are getting transferred.
We are not giving up so easily!!!!!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Day 13 Post Transfer - thoughts before D Day
Tomorrow morning is my Beta (blood pregnancy test for those of you who don't know the fertility lingo). Unfortunately, I could not wait long after my last post to take a HPT. I took one on Thursday night, another one Saturday morning, and my final one this morning. All three were negative. The first two, I admit, might have been too early. But the one I took this morning puts me 13 days post transfer and 18 days post retrieval.
The reason why I think today's HPT should have told me exactly what the result of tomorrow's beta will be is that (1) the trigger shot is definitely out of my system, and (2) this would be the time that other people would be doing an HPT -- that is, those who don't have fertility problems. My beta is scheduled 19 days post retrieval -- which, with IVF, I knew to be 19 days post-conception since an IVF conception date is the day of retrieval. The day of retrieval is the same day that the lab puts eggs and sperm together. With a completely natural cycle -- assuming a perfect cycle -- ovulation would occur around day 14 and conception shortly thereafter -- so you could HPT about 2 weeks after that. I figured this would give me a pretty accurate read on the HPT in that my odds of a false positive or false negative would pretty much be the same as anyone else not undergoing fertility treatments. I would rather think that I wasn't pregnant and be surprised with a positive beta than not be prepared for potential bad news tomorrow. With my first two pregnancies, I got a positive result the day of my missed period, so for me, I usually don't have to wait 4 days to get a positive HPT. Also, I know that if it wasn't for the holiday today, they would have been doing my beta this morning instead of tomorrow morning. And if my HPT was negative this morning, my blood test probably would be, too.
So that is where I stand right now. I am expecting a negative result tomorrow morning and I have had a few days to digest that fact. As for what we do from here- M & I will have to regroup- both financially and emotionally. I think we have pretty much agreed that we can't spend another $20k in 2011; we will have to wait until 2012 when our prescription drug cap resets and we have more money saved up. I wonder what it's like for those who have IVF covered via insurance? Hopefully one day those who have to deal with this horrible situation will not have to think about the financial cost and all of these treatments will be covered as they should be.
I just can't believe this has happened to us, but we will keep fighting.
The reason why I think today's HPT should have told me exactly what the result of tomorrow's beta will be is that (1) the trigger shot is definitely out of my system, and (2) this would be the time that other people would be doing an HPT -- that is, those who don't have fertility problems. My beta is scheduled 19 days post retrieval -- which, with IVF, I knew to be 19 days post-conception since an IVF conception date is the day of retrieval. The day of retrieval is the same day that the lab puts eggs and sperm together. With a completely natural cycle -- assuming a perfect cycle -- ovulation would occur around day 14 and conception shortly thereafter -- so you could HPT about 2 weeks after that. I figured this would give me a pretty accurate read on the HPT in that my odds of a false positive or false negative would pretty much be the same as anyone else not undergoing fertility treatments. I would rather think that I wasn't pregnant and be surprised with a positive beta than not be prepared for potential bad news tomorrow. With my first two pregnancies, I got a positive result the day of my missed period, so for me, I usually don't have to wait 4 days to get a positive HPT. Also, I know that if it wasn't for the holiday today, they would have been doing my beta this morning instead of tomorrow morning. And if my HPT was negative this morning, my blood test probably would be, too.
So that is where I stand right now. I am expecting a negative result tomorrow morning and I have had a few days to digest that fact. As for what we do from here- M & I will have to regroup- both financially and emotionally. I think we have pretty much agreed that we can't spend another $20k in 2011; we will have to wait until 2012 when our prescription drug cap resets and we have more money saved up. I wonder what it's like for those who have IVF covered via insurance? Hopefully one day those who have to deal with this horrible situation will not have to think about the financial cost and all of these treatments will be covered as they should be.
I just can't believe this has happened to us, but we will keep fighting.
Read more at http://www.healthboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=478541&page=2&ktrack=kcplink
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Day 8 Post Transfer
It has been a rollercoaster ride the past 8 days since embryo transfer. One minute I swear I’m pregnant, the next minute it I think it is all in my head. Having been pregnant twice before, I know what it is supposed to feel like, and what my top 3 pregnancy symptoms are: horribly sore boobs, lower belly stretching pain, and fatigue. As of today, I have all three of these symptoms. What a cruel trick our bodies play on us, especially with the drugs I am on right now. In addition to these symptoms, I have had these: killer indigestion, soreness in my legs/ankles, rapid heartbeat, insomnia, frequent urination and extremely vivid dreams. M is convinced I am pregnant, but I still cannot get my hopes up. But let’s face it; they are already up. As much as I try to talk myself down and say “no, it can’t be”, the other side can’t help but be an eternal optimist.
I want to pee on a stick so badly… I think about doing it every single morning when I wake up. There are two pregnancy tests in my medicine cabinet just calling my name. The little baby on the front of the box talks to me and says “go ahead, no one will know- just do it”. The only thing that stops me is the thought of a prematurely negative result.
As M says, why do you want to disappoint yourself twice when you can just wait for the real test and do it once? It is logical…but I’m not really about logic right now.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Update on the lone frosty...and the 2 week wait
We are just having the longest of pity parties over here.
Yesterday afternoon we got the result of the PGD on the lone embryo that was able to be frozen on Wednesday. The embryologist loved this one before she froze it- she said it was the best looking one, graded an A, and looked even better than the boy that was transferred on Tuesday. She said this embryo froze perfectly and she had no doubt it would survive the thaw if necessary. Unfortunately, it was abnormal. So abnormal that it had three copies of every chromosome instead of two. How does that even happen?! I mean, I know how it happens because I studied cell meiosis religiously because of my inversion, but I just still didn't think it would happen to us. It is really one of those crazy flukes in nature and could have happened to anyone, not just those with inversion. Again, an inherent risk of stimulating a ton of eggs that are not ready to be ovulated.
So this 2 week wait (2ww) thing- I did not appreciate the gravity of the situation until Day 1 of the 2ww. This is torture. TORTURE. I am on day 4 and have no idea how I am going to focus on anything else but this for the next 10 days. There are websites devoted to this wait! Just google "two week wait" and there are tons of women out there in this hellish limbo between embryo transfer and the blood pregnancy test. We should be able to take these two weeks off from work and be sedated in a bed somewhere. Work is suffering; I am not motivated to do anything that diverts my attention from this baby. Personal life is suffering; I don't want to see or speak to anyone that has kids and want to open hand slap the mothers I see yelling at their children in public. Intimacy is suffering; M & I are on about a 5 week hiatus and that is just not helpful with our situation.
Of course, every pregnancy symptom I could have right now is ALSO a side effect of (1) getting your period or (2) progesterone and estrogen meds that I am currently taking. My boobs are killing me- a side effect of pregnancy? Or a side effect of my progesterone? I have cramps- a side effect of pregnancy? Or a sign that my period is on it's way? I have a dull ache in my lower belly- like I have been doing sit ups. That is the only one that is questionable. I don't believe that is a side effect of my meds, and I also had this symptom in my last two pregnancies. But God forbid I get excited or think that maybe I'm pregnant because the let down on May 31 (the date of the PT) will be just more than I can bear. Not that it won't be anyway. But still.
So there are zero embryos on ice, and a lot is riding on the million dollar man (as I like to call him) floating around in my uterus right now. I really hope he is holding on tight in there. We are going to need a miracle.
Yesterday afternoon we got the result of the PGD on the lone embryo that was able to be frozen on Wednesday. The embryologist loved this one before she froze it- she said it was the best looking one, graded an A, and looked even better than the boy that was transferred on Tuesday. She said this embryo froze perfectly and she had no doubt it would survive the thaw if necessary. Unfortunately, it was abnormal. So abnormal that it had three copies of every chromosome instead of two. How does that even happen?! I mean, I know how it happens because I studied cell meiosis religiously because of my inversion, but I just still didn't think it would happen to us. It is really one of those crazy flukes in nature and could have happened to anyone, not just those with inversion. Again, an inherent risk of stimulating a ton of eggs that are not ready to be ovulated.
So this 2 week wait (2ww) thing- I did not appreciate the gravity of the situation until Day 1 of the 2ww. This is torture. TORTURE. I am on day 4 and have no idea how I am going to focus on anything else but this for the next 10 days. There are websites devoted to this wait! Just google "two week wait" and there are tons of women out there in this hellish limbo between embryo transfer and the blood pregnancy test. We should be able to take these two weeks off from work and be sedated in a bed somewhere. Work is suffering; I am not motivated to do anything that diverts my attention from this baby. Personal life is suffering; I don't want to see or speak to anyone that has kids and want to open hand slap the mothers I see yelling at their children in public. Intimacy is suffering; M & I are on about a 5 week hiatus and that is just not helpful with our situation.
Of course, every pregnancy symptom I could have right now is ALSO a side effect of (1) getting your period or (2) progesterone and estrogen meds that I am currently taking. My boobs are killing me- a side effect of pregnancy? Or a side effect of my progesterone? I have cramps- a side effect of pregnancy? Or a sign that my period is on it's way? I have a dull ache in my lower belly- like I have been doing sit ups. That is the only one that is questionable. I don't believe that is a side effect of my meds, and I also had this symptom in my last two pregnancies. But God forbid I get excited or think that maybe I'm pregnant because the let down on May 31 (the date of the PT) will be just more than I can bear. Not that it won't be anyway. But still.
So there are zero embryos on ice, and a lot is riding on the million dollar man (as I like to call him) floating around in my uterus right now. I really hope he is holding on tight in there. We are going to need a miracle.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Loss
Bad news today- we lost the girl. She never progressed on Day 6 to a full blast...she was holding steady at a compacting morula, which is the stage right before early blast. They were trying to give her as much time as possible to expand so that they could freeze her, being that she was the only other chromosomally normal embryo we had. Unfortunately, she never reached the point so they could freeze, so we had to let her go. My little girl- not sure what she would have looked like or who she would have become, but I would be lying if I said I didn't dream about her.
Of the remaining 8 that were supposed to be biopsied yesterday for PGD, only 1 out of 8 made it to blast and could be biopsied. Of the remaining 7, 4 were either degenerating or completely arrested, and 3 were developing even slower than the girl, so they could not biopsy. The 1 that was biopsied will have PGD results back tomorrow. It is more likely than not that the one will come back abnormal in some fashion, leaving us with zero frozen embryos this cycle.
I guess technically we did not beat the odds. Out of 15 embryos, we ended up with 1 normal that was a hatching blast on the Day 5 transfer. The remaining were abnormal or did not make it to Day 5 for biopsy. We will never know if there were any "normal" in the remaining 8 not biopsied, except the one that went out yesterday.
So that leaves us with one 7 day old boy embryo floating around in there. I really hope he is sticking to something. Thinking of coming up with a negative pregnancy test on May 31 is enough to make me want to crawl under the covers and shut out the world. This is my life; this is all I am right now. This is what I think about day and night, all day, every day. It is an all consuming process and all the while life rushes past us. I live my days in a fog, just wanting to hurry them along so we can get to the next deadline..and the next...and the next.
I have never been in this sort of mental place in my life; even the chinks in M's armor are starting to show. This is a financially, physically, and emotionally draining process that I hope will make our dreams of having a family come true. Until then, we pray and wait.
Of the remaining 8 that were supposed to be biopsied yesterday for PGD, only 1 out of 8 made it to blast and could be biopsied. Of the remaining 7, 4 were either degenerating or completely arrested, and 3 were developing even slower than the girl, so they could not biopsy. The 1 that was biopsied will have PGD results back tomorrow. It is more likely than not that the one will come back abnormal in some fashion, leaving us with zero frozen embryos this cycle.
I guess technically we did not beat the odds. Out of 15 embryos, we ended up with 1 normal that was a hatching blast on the Day 5 transfer. The remaining were abnormal or did not make it to Day 5 for biopsy. We will never know if there were any "normal" in the remaining 8 not biopsied, except the one that went out yesterday.
So that leaves us with one 7 day old boy embryo floating around in there. I really hope he is sticking to something. Thinking of coming up with a negative pregnancy test on May 31 is enough to make me want to crawl under the covers and shut out the world. This is my life; this is all I am right now. This is what I think about day and night, all day, every day. It is an all consuming process and all the while life rushes past us. I live my days in a fog, just wanting to hurry them along so we can get to the next deadline..and the next...and the next.
I have never been in this sort of mental place in my life; even the chinks in M's armor are starting to show. This is a financially, physically, and emotionally draining process that I hope will make our dreams of having a family come true. Until then, we pray and wait.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Keep laughing...
http://articles.nydailynews.com/2011-02-01/entertainment/27738653_1_clown-lower-stress-success-rate
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Transfer Day!!!
I never thought this day would come. Granted, we are not out the woods yet- technically- but today one of our little embryos was transferred. I am on "bed rest" i.e. "couch rest" for the next 24 hours and am enjoying getting waited on by M. I swear he would chain me to the bed if he could; he doesn't want me moving an inch! I love that man!
The good news call came this morning that out of the first batch of 8 embryos, 2 came back chromosomally "normal" after PGD testing. This means that there is an appropriate amount of genetic material in each cell. Of the remaining 5 "abnormal" ones:
- 3 came back "unbalanced" on chromosome set 7, meaning that my inversion was rearing its ugly head and causing additional or deleted amounts of genetic material
- 2 came back abnormal on completely DIFFERENT sets of chromosomes; one had trisomy 13, and one had monosomy on chromosome sets 1 and 3.
Those last two are pretty random- I don't know what to think about that. Those are completely out of left field and have nothing to do with my issue, but maybe its just an inherent risk of stimulating a crapload of eggs that aren't ready to be used!
SO...we got the call at 8am and by 1:30pm I was sitting in the embryo transfer room talking to the doctor, nurse, and embryologist. They were all recommending that we transfer both normal embryos, but M & I were pretty adamant that we just wanted to do 1. So that is what we did, right or wrong. I don't think the doc was very pleased with us, since the stats drop with single transfer vs. multiple transfer. Our gut was telling us that we should only do 1, since getting pregnant is not my issue. Only time will tell.
We are both so thrilled right now!!! I hope this little guy sticks because even though the second one is on ice for later, there's no guarantee that they'll survive the thaw! We are also hopeful that maybe one will come back normal from the second batch of 8 that are going to be sent out to PGD tomorrow, but we are pretty sure that we don't want to push our luck since statistically we've already beaten the odds. It can only get better from here, right?! Here's to sticky vibes!!!
The good news call came this morning that out of the first batch of 8 embryos, 2 came back chromosomally "normal" after PGD testing. This means that there is an appropriate amount of genetic material in each cell. Of the remaining 5 "abnormal" ones:
- 3 came back "unbalanced" on chromosome set 7, meaning that my inversion was rearing its ugly head and causing additional or deleted amounts of genetic material
- 2 came back abnormal on completely DIFFERENT sets of chromosomes; one had trisomy 13, and one had monosomy on chromosome sets 1 and 3.
Those last two are pretty random- I don't know what to think about that. Those are completely out of left field and have nothing to do with my issue, but maybe its just an inherent risk of stimulating a crapload of eggs that aren't ready to be used!
SO...we got the call at 8am and by 1:30pm I was sitting in the embryo transfer room talking to the doctor, nurse, and embryologist. They were all recommending that we transfer both normal embryos, but M & I were pretty adamant that we just wanted to do 1. So that is what we did, right or wrong. I don't think the doc was very pleased with us, since the stats drop with single transfer vs. multiple transfer. Our gut was telling us that we should only do 1, since getting pregnant is not my issue. Only time will tell.
We are both so thrilled right now!!! I hope this little guy sticks because even though the second one is on ice for later, there's no guarantee that they'll survive the thaw! We are also hopeful that maybe one will come back normal from the second batch of 8 that are going to be sent out to PGD tomorrow, but we are pretty sure that we don't want to push our luck since statistically we've already beaten the odds. It can only get better from here, right?! Here's to sticky vibes!!!
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Day 3 Report Cards
We still have all 15 progressing as of the 72 hour mark! There are 13 As and Bs and 2 Cs in the bunch. That is better than we had ever hoped for! Our doc and the embryologist are very pleased to see that the 15 are still moving forward and that we have produced what seem to be structurally high quality embryos. Of course, that doesn't mean anything with regards to genetic content, but the plan is to send half out today for PGD with results by Monday (Day 5) and to send the other half out on Monday for results by Tuesday (Day 6).
From the first round sent out today, if there are any good ones, we will transfer on Tuesday. If there are no chromosomally normal ones from the first batch, we will wait for results from the second batch and potentially transfer on Wednesday. They are pushing really hard for a transfer this cycle and I am getting the feeling they do not want to freeze any if they can help it. Regardless, we will only be transferring one at a time, as I have a strong feeling that I will be able to support a pregnancy and that my only issue is related to the chromosomes.
So I have 15 embryos- there has to be one little superstar in there, right?! There has to be one perfect little embryo out of the bunch just itching to implant. I know my stats are 5-10% so we are being very realistic about this and expecting 0 or 1 to come back normal from the total. If there are no normal ones from this batch, I would think that if we went through IVF Round 2 and got another 15 embryos there would have to be one in there.
As you know, I hate statistics, especially my personal statistics, but I still believe in them! I believe in us and we are so positive and full of hope right now. Not to mention, full of fluid. Someone needs to pop me like a balloon.
From the first round sent out today, if there are any good ones, we will transfer on Tuesday. If there are no chromosomally normal ones from the first batch, we will wait for results from the second batch and potentially transfer on Wednesday. They are pushing really hard for a transfer this cycle and I am getting the feeling they do not want to freeze any if they can help it. Regardless, we will only be transferring one at a time, as I have a strong feeling that I will be able to support a pregnancy and that my only issue is related to the chromosomes.
So I have 15 embryos- there has to be one little superstar in there, right?! There has to be one perfect little embryo out of the bunch just itching to implant. I know my stats are 5-10% so we are being very realistic about this and expecting 0 or 1 to come back normal from the total. If there are no normal ones from this batch, I would think that if we went through IVF Round 2 and got another 15 embryos there would have to be one in there.
As you know, I hate statistics, especially my personal statistics, but I still believe in them! I believe in us and we are so positive and full of hope right now. Not to mention, full of fluid. Someone needs to pop me like a balloon.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Day 2 - Holding Strong!
Got the call this morning that we are still holding strong at 15 embryos!! Tomorrow is a big day- their first report card. They'll get graded on a scale of A through D (for more on grading, click here). If we have more As than Bs and Cs, the embryologist will opt for a Day 5 blastocyst biopsy for PGD. If we have more Bs and Cs than As, he may elect to do a Day 3 biopsy and send out some cells for PGD as early as tomorrow with results by Monday. Apparently, just because an embryo grades lower doesn't mean that it's genetically abnormal. Rather, the lower the grade the less likely the embryo is to implant, but the grade has nothing to do with chromosome abnormalities.
Overall, I think we are feeling very positive and hopeful at this point. PIO shots in the early AM are not fun, but they are definitely not nearly as bad as I previously thought. Really the most bothersome symptom for me at this point is my bloated belly. It really just seems to be getting worse every day- it sticks out so much and I am actually afraid that people will start asking me how far along I am. I was in such a good place with my weight before the IVF cycle, and although all the drugs and bloating are clearly worth it, it does do a number on my self esteem. I realize it is a temporary thing but it is still disheartening. Add that to the fact that M and I aren't allowed to even be together until the pregnancy test in two weeks- we are both really frustrated and I am super down on myself right now.
Alright enough of my whining. I've got to send positive signals to my sweet 15 so they can get straight A's tomorrow!
Overall, I think we are feeling very positive and hopeful at this point. PIO shots in the early AM are not fun, but they are definitely not nearly as bad as I previously thought. Really the most bothersome symptom for me at this point is my bloated belly. It really just seems to be getting worse every day- it sticks out so much and I am actually afraid that people will start asking me how far along I am. I was in such a good place with my weight before the IVF cycle, and although all the drugs and bloating are clearly worth it, it does do a number on my self esteem. I realize it is a temporary thing but it is still disheartening. Add that to the fact that M and I aren't allowed to even be together until the pregnancy test in two weeks- we are both really frustrated and I am super down on myself right now.
Alright enough of my whining. I've got to send positive signals to my sweet 15 so they can get straight A's tomorrow!
Friday, May 13, 2011
Fertilization report - day 1
There is nothing better than being woken up by your spouse at 6am with a shiny 1 1/2 inch 22 gauge needle full of progesterone in oil! Again, being the amazing injection giver that he is, M did a great job and I hardly felt a thing. I am barely sore from yesterday's retrieval, but still retaining a ton of water so clothes with buttons are still off limits for the time being.
Also, we were given some great news this morning- 15 of our 25 eggs fertilized via ICSI!! We are so thrilled with that number! I just need 10-13 for PGD to feel like we have good odds of 1 normal! Tuesday can't come quick enough...
Also, we were given some great news this morning- 15 of our 25 eggs fertilized via ICSI!! We are so thrilled with that number! I just need 10-13 for PGD to feel like we have good odds of 1 normal! Tuesday can't come quick enough...
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Retrieval Day Success!
This morning, bright an early at 7am, M & I arrived at the doc's office and werepromptly escorted back to get ready for the procedure! The nurse reviewed some paperwork with me while M was whisked away to take care of his business (the big "keep it fresh" moment!). I got changed, hopped into the hospital bed and got set up with my IV. I wore my "hope" necklace and in the pocket of my hospital gown I carried my Holy Family Christmas ornament. I needed all the lucky charms I could get! I was in the operating room by 8am and waking up from my little "nap" by 9am.
Prior to being knocked out, the anesthesia was making my right hand burn like someone was pressing it in a panini maker. The doctor was prepping the "area" and I felt some needle sticks...I remember thinking "I can feel this! I am awake!" but my eyes and mouth wouldn't open. Of course, that's the last thing I remember. Upon waking up in the recovery room, I could hear M next to me and the nurse saying "she's a little groggy and emotional from the medicine". I was whimpering and crying saying "I just need one good one"- M had to wipe my drug induced tears away and help me blow my nose, which I'm sure was just a thrill for him. After I was fully coherent, my abdomen area was quite sore, especially the left side, where I'm told most of the eggs were taken from.
All in all, the embryologist said that they got 26 eggs out of my little ovaries! Woo hoo! That is more than we ever thought we could get! Of course, not all of them will be mature. They are being fertilized via ICSI today. Tomorrow we will get a call letting us know the fertilization status, but I'm expecting around 13 or so to be fertilized since that was the number of the largest eggs the IVF nurse counted on Tuesday. Of the 13 or so fertilized, we have to wait until they make it to day 5 of development to see who can be sent out for PGD testing. Then from there it's fingers crossed that we can get one good one! The next five days will be a trial but we have made it this far and today was a huge win for us! I need all the embryos I can get to beat these odds!
Prior to being knocked out, the anesthesia was making my right hand burn like someone was pressing it in a panini maker. The doctor was prepping the "area" and I felt some needle sticks...I remember thinking "I can feel this! I am awake!" but my eyes and mouth wouldn't open. Of course, that's the last thing I remember. Upon waking up in the recovery room, I could hear M next to me and the nurse saying "she's a little groggy and emotional from the medicine". I was whimpering and crying saying "I just need one good one"- M had to wipe my drug induced tears away and help me blow my nose, which I'm sure was just a thrill for him. After I was fully coherent, my abdomen area was quite sore, especially the left side, where I'm told most of the eggs were taken from.
All in all, the embryologist said that they got 26 eggs out of my little ovaries! Woo hoo! That is more than we ever thought we could get! Of course, not all of them will be mature. They are being fertilized via ICSI today. Tomorrow we will get a call letting us know the fertilization status, but I'm expecting around 13 or so to be fertilized since that was the number of the largest eggs the IVF nurse counted on Tuesday. Of the 13 or so fertilized, we have to wait until they make it to day 5 of development to see who can be sent out for PGD testing. Then from there it's fingers crossed that we can get one good one! The next five days will be a trial but we have made it this far and today was a huge win for us! I need all the embryos I can get to beat these odds!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Eve of Retrieve
It is finally here; it feels like Christmas! I am so exhausted but can't sleep. Tomorrow means so much for us...and I have learned a great deal through this entire process. I have learned what I am capable of, and really what we are both capable of as a couple. Who knew that M was such an amazing injection giver? Who knew that I would be such an amazing injection taker? This experience has definitely brought us closer, fortunately, because I know there are couples who have been torn apart by lesser trials than this.
Since this coming Monday, May 16 is our third wedding anniversary, I can't help but reflect on how far we have come and what we've been through. Three years ago this week we were preparing to start a life together after a tumultuous courtship lasting the better part of six years. Two years ago this week we had just moved into our new home and were envisioning how it would accommodate our growing family. One year ago this week we were taking a trip to Maui and officially "trying"- ignorant to the concept of inverted chromosomes, PGD, IVF, and infertility in general.
These were simpler times, in so many ways, and there is no going back. There was our life before infertility and our life after; we view the world through a completely different set of eyes now. And we will never, ever be the same.
Since this coming Monday, May 16 is our third wedding anniversary, I can't help but reflect on how far we have come and what we've been through. Three years ago this week we were preparing to start a life together after a tumultuous courtship lasting the better part of six years. Two years ago this week we had just moved into our new home and were envisioning how it would accommodate our growing family. One year ago this week we were taking a trip to Maui and officially "trying"- ignorant to the concept of inverted chromosomes, PGD, IVF, and infertility in general.
These were simpler times, in so many ways, and there is no going back. There was our life before infertility and our life after; we view the world through a completely different set of eyes now. And we will never, ever be the same.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Pulling the Trigger
I forgot to mention in my post yesterday that I had an early morning appointment on both Monday and Tuesday this week. My appointment yesterday went very well; they counted 15 potential follicles measuring 12mm-15mm. Instructions for Monday night were to take Lupron and 2 units of Menopur, nixing the Bravelle. I got up early again this morning for another monitoring appointment and they counted the same 15 potential follicles, but this time they all measured 14-19mm today! That means- tonight was the night for the Trigger shot! I got all of my pre-retrieval instructions this morning and scheduled retrieval for 7am Thursday morning! I can't believe it's finally here. We are completely psyched.
However, in order to get to that point, we had to get through the big dog shot- the killer- the HcG trigger shot!! We were instructed to give the shot at 6:30pm sharp! And you know what? It was a whole lot of nothing. I mean, don't get me wrong, I knew it was there and that I was getting stabbed in the butt...but it didn't last very long and I had the best doctor in the world! M was so concerned about my comfort and he did an amazing job administering my most feared injection! One more big hurdle down...
Now we wait until Thursday. I am giddy with excitement...I can't even explain it!
However, in order to get to that point, we had to get through the big dog shot- the killer- the HcG trigger shot!! We were instructed to give the shot at 6:30pm sharp! And you know what? It was a whole lot of nothing. I mean, don't get me wrong, I knew it was there and that I was getting stabbed in the butt...but it didn't last very long and I had the best doctor in the world! M was so concerned about my comfort and he did an amazing job administering my most feared injection! One more big hurdle down...
Now we wait until Thursday. I am giddy with excitement...I can't even explain it!
Monday, May 9, 2011
Please Retrieve Me!
It has only been one more day but oh my goodness I am so ready to do this. I am so fat. It's like the last 24 hours I all of a sudden blew up! I am so sore- the internal u/s this morning felt like someone was kicking me in the stomach over and over. I am so anxious for the trigger shot but am really ready to go in for retrieval and see what we have going on in there! I need a needle break badly- every stick is so painful because everything is so sensitive all of a sudden. And forget about anything with buttons- I have been wearing dresses to work for the past week. This little egg factory is ready for the harvest!
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Keeping it fresh... and Stim Meds update
One of the things I remember most about our first IVF appointment was the bullet point in the literature explaining that once I started my stim meds, there was no sweet lovin' allowed. Right next to that point was another one in boldface and underlined print noting that my partner had to "keep it fresh" every 2 to 3 days. For some reason, M & I found this terminology hysterical. Since then, we have been shouting out to each other at random points during the day "keep it fresh!" It is just really fun to say. The poor guy has to keep it fresh all by himself...I wonder when I'll ever get to keep it fresh again.
SO, last weekend I started my 4 units of Bravelle once a day in addition to my Lupron. I had a doc appointment last Tuesday, where they counted 14 follicles, averaging around 6mm each, with the largest ones being 8mm. After that appointment, they changed my dose to 3 units of Bravelle and 2 units of Menopur nightly with the Lupron. By my Friday appointment (yesterday), they counted 24 potential follicles, averaging around 9mm, with the largest one being 11.5mm. I realize that these are all "potential" follicles but it is still very exciting that they are counting so many!! My next appointment is Monday and I am hoping for some major growth! The nurse said they usually grow around 2mm per day so I am praying for lots of little follicles next time I take a peek on the ultrasound monitor! I asked for her prediction of when she thinks they might trigger me, and she said Tues or Weds trigger shot with retrieval Weds or Thurs. I can't believe it is so close!!
I have been running around like a crazy person all day today trying to get a refill on my Menopur because I won't have enough to last me through the weekend. As of yesterday morning's appointment, my protocol left me enough to get through until my Monday appointment. However, when the nurse called at 2pm yesterday to let me know about my bloodwork, she switched my dosage to more Menopur than previously taken so that left me light on my meds. I have enough to get me through tonight, but not enough for tomorrow so I had to call the mail order pharmacy this morning. Unfortunately, they couldn't guarantee tomorrow delivery so I had to get my prescription transferred to a local pharmacy- and when I say "local" I mean 1 hour away- so I have to go pick my meds up tomorrow morning. Happy Mother's Day to me.
I never thought I would say that I wish I could go back to just the Lupron shots...but I really miss those little guys! Those needles were so small and left no bruising/bleeding. The Bravelle/Menopur combo...those are a little more painful. I am still using a fairly small needle, but the amount of medicine is much larger and you can't pump yourself full of it too fast. That means the needle is in for longer and I have been bruising and bleeding afterwards which completely sucks. I know that this has to be better than the trigger shot and progesterone in oil (PIO) shots that are taken after implantation...but still not as easy to take as the Lupron injections.
I haven't had much bloating but have been acutely aware of my ovaries. During the monitoring appointments they are very sore when the nurse performs the internal ultrasound, but I'm taking it as a sign that those little puppies are getting nice and ripe! Emotionally, I have definitely been on a rollercoaster again this week. One day I will be optimistic, hopeful and ready for anything and the next day I just want to stay in bed and feel sorry for myself. I don't feel mentally any different, and I haven't seen M enough this week for him to even be able to tell any difference. I think I will just conclude that I'm doing well with the drugs and haven't had any weird reactions.
I just jinxed myself , didn't I?
SO, last weekend I started my 4 units of Bravelle once a day in addition to my Lupron. I had a doc appointment last Tuesday, where they counted 14 follicles, averaging around 6mm each, with the largest ones being 8mm. After that appointment, they changed my dose to 3 units of Bravelle and 2 units of Menopur nightly with the Lupron. By my Friday appointment (yesterday), they counted 24 potential follicles, averaging around 9mm, with the largest one being 11.5mm. I realize that these are all "potential" follicles but it is still very exciting that they are counting so many!! My next appointment is Monday and I am hoping for some major growth! The nurse said they usually grow around 2mm per day so I am praying for lots of little follicles next time I take a peek on the ultrasound monitor! I asked for her prediction of when she thinks they might trigger me, and she said Tues or Weds trigger shot with retrieval Weds or Thurs. I can't believe it is so close!!
I have been running around like a crazy person all day today trying to get a refill on my Menopur because I won't have enough to last me through the weekend. As of yesterday morning's appointment, my protocol left me enough to get through until my Monday appointment. However, when the nurse called at 2pm yesterday to let me know about my bloodwork, she switched my dosage to more Menopur than previously taken so that left me light on my meds. I have enough to get me through tonight, but not enough for tomorrow so I had to call the mail order pharmacy this morning. Unfortunately, they couldn't guarantee tomorrow delivery so I had to get my prescription transferred to a local pharmacy- and when I say "local" I mean 1 hour away- so I have to go pick my meds up tomorrow morning. Happy Mother's Day to me.
I never thought I would say that I wish I could go back to just the Lupron shots...but I really miss those little guys! Those needles were so small and left no bruising/bleeding. The Bravelle/Menopur combo...those are a little more painful. I am still using a fairly small needle, but the amount of medicine is much larger and you can't pump yourself full of it too fast. That means the needle is in for longer and I have been bruising and bleeding afterwards which completely sucks. I know that this has to be better than the trigger shot and progesterone in oil (PIO) shots that are taken after implantation...but still not as easy to take as the Lupron injections.
I haven't had much bloating but have been acutely aware of my ovaries. During the monitoring appointments they are very sore when the nurse performs the internal ultrasound, but I'm taking it as a sign that those little puppies are getting nice and ripe! Emotionally, I have definitely been on a rollercoaster again this week. One day I will be optimistic, hopeful and ready for anything and the next day I just want to stay in bed and feel sorry for myself. I don't feel mentally any different, and I haven't seen M enough this week for him to even be able to tell any difference. I think I will just conclude that I'm doing well with the drugs and haven't had any weird reactions.
I just jinxed myself , didn't I?
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