15 weeks- Merry Christmas and happy prenatal bloodwork!

We had  a very Merry Christmas and just knowing what is in store for us in 2012 makes us feel like the luckiest people in the world!

This week was not without it's drama, of course.  I had some spotting earlier this week followed by a call to the new doctor.  They returned my call and took the opportunity to share the results of my prenatal first trimester bloodwork.  The nurse said that my thyroid hormone was low, I was vitamin D deficient and that my antibody screen came back positive.  The last one really threw me.  I am O negative and M is O positive, which is not bad if it's your first pregnancy, but if you've ever had a D&C, miscarriage or any other opportunity for your baby's blood to mix with yours, it could be dangerous.  They give you Rhogam after D&C and any other procedure (amnio, CVS) to try to prevent the issues that it causes- my blood would build up antibodies to the baby's blood and then start attacking it.  This leads to anemia in the baby and possibly blood transfusions in utero and after birth.  So for my first m/c (blighted ovum) I didn't get Rhogam because there technically was no baby (just and empty sac) therefore no blood cells.  My second m/c I had the D&C so they gave me Rhogam in the hospital to prevent sensitization.  At my 11 week appointment with the RE, they gave me Rhogam just in case, because I had some spotting and the busted capillary issue.  So when my antibody screen came back positive (i.e. "sensitized") it was cause for much alarm.  It wasn't until my third hour scouring on the internet that I found out the Rhogam actually stays in your system for about 12 weeks, and will cause any antibody screen you have to be "positive" even though you aren't.  Eventually, it will go away and you will come back negative.  Wow, really wish the nurse had explained that one on the phone.  Could have saved me about 3 hours of complete and total panic, anger, and upset.

So BESIDES that, we had a very nice holiday weekend, and I am off this entire week for some rest and relaxation!  I am hoping to visit my IVF nurses this week to give them the gift basket I made them, along with cigars for the doc and a bottle of nice wine for each of the embryologists.

14 weeks

This week I had my first real OBGYN appointment and got to hear the baby on the fetal doppler again! I am pleased to say he is still alive and kicking in there!! I dream about him all the time....

This week's big developments: baby can now squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his thumb! Thanks to brain impulses, his facial muscles are getting a workout as his tiny features form one expression after another.  From head to bottom, he measures 3 1/2 inches and he weighs 1 1/2 ounces. His body's growing faster than his head, which now sits upon a more distinct neck. By the end of this week, his arms will have grown to a length that's in proportion to the rest of his body.  He's starting to develop an ultra-fine, downy covering of hair, called lanugo, all over his body.

13 weeks

This past Saturday I finally heard his little heart beat on the fetal Doppler! I was about to have a nervous breakdown and just went for it, knowing I might not have been able to hear it. It took me a couple of minutes, but I finally detected it by pressing on the lower left quadrant of my abdomen…so hard that I think I bruised. It was different than anything else I have heard and the Doppler registered about 165bpm, which is what was showing at the doctor’s office. It was thrilling and completely turned my mood around. All of a sudden I was full of energy and I felt a renewed confidence that everything was going well. Since my last RE appointment at 11 weeks I was feeling very anxious and depressed, just wondering what was going on in there. As of today, I am still feeling good about everything. I was supposed to have my first appointment with my new OBGYN today, but two of his patients were in labor so the appointment was moved until tomorrow afternoon. I suppose that will be a downfall of a smaller practice- when there are only two of them, appointments get shifted quite a bit. Hopefully it will all be worth it and I will like the new doc and he will listen to my concerns. I don’t even think I want to feign crying for an ultrasound; I would be satisfied with hearing the heartbeat via Doppler. That seems to be enough to calm me, though I always love a picture of the little bugger.

I bought more maternity clothes from Old Navy this week. I got like 10 pieces for $80 with all of their holiday specials and free shipping. They have pretty cute/cheap stuff on there but I told myself I’m not going to stock up too much because I’ll never wear these things again after my pregnancies. I do need a winter coat though- I can’t button any of mine across the chest or belly! I also am graduating beyond a 34DD- what is next? DDD or E?? I guess I should do some research because the girls are feeling restricted. We are still holding off on any registering, furniture, or clothes shopping at least until the new year and I am beyond 16 weeks. For some reason 16 weeks is sticking in my head as a good point to really cut loose and give into my nesting urges- that’s when I’m going to tell my employer (and anyone else who will listen) about my pregnancy. It marks the almost halfway point of my pregnancy and feels like the right time. But I must confess…I’ve already got some things bookmarked on Babies R Us.

12 weeks

I am so close. I don’t even want to say anything for fear that I will jinx it. But I am one week away from being officially through my first trimester. I am so blessed to be in this place I just can’t even believe it. I thank the Lord every day that I am able to carry this baby. I pray that I will continue to be able to carry him to term and everything will go just as I had imagined. The first part of this journey has not gone as planned (as most things in our life often don’t) but am hopeful that this second leg of the race will be successful!


I have officially started to wear the Bella Band that I bought for my pre-pregnancy pants. It is so comfortable to not use buttons! I think work people are starting to suspect, though. I am starting to move beyond the “just had a few too many beers” phase. I try to sit at my desk and not walk around a lot so I can push my chair in all the way to hide my belly. But I don’t want to hide it! I want to show it off for the entire world to see!! Nausea is gone, but the weird appetite is not. If I could have it my way, I’d have pizza for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Unfortunately (or fortunately), I live with a nutrition nazi who makes sure I get ample vitamins and a balanced diet every day – or he shames me. In a loving way, of course. I am really moody, lot of ups and downs. But I am trying to focus more on the ups because this is what I’ve been waiting for my entire life! I am living the dream that I had hoped for and I want to enjoy every moment of it. So many people can’t experience this and I thought for sure I was going to be one of them. But by the miracle of modern science and the Lord, here we are.

I have an appointment with my new OBGYN next Thursday. I switched OBGYN’s last week to be able to deliver at Christiana Hospital in DE instead of Chester County Hospital. Christiana has private rooms and a nationally ranked NICU in case of emergencies. Also, it is a little bit closer for us than riding those back roads to West Chester. I chose an OBGYN affiliated with the hospital, who also happens to be affiliated with a Birth Center in the same area. He was actually trained to be a midwife but became a doctor instead and I am EXTREMELY interested in hearing that story. He’s ranked very well on all of the doctor rating websites so I figured I couldn’t lose. I am intrigued by Birth Centers and natural, un-medicated births in general. The fact that everyone is telling me I can’t do it or won’t want to do it makes me want to do it more. To prove to them they are a bunch of p’s. I mean, my own mother gave birth to two babies naturally… and a 7 pounder and a 9 pounder no less! If she can do it, I have no doubt that I can do it, too. The Birth Center near me accepts patients up to 32-34 weeks so I have time to decide, and in the meantime I’m going to be cared for by the doctor. Stay tuned I guess.

11 weeks- Graduation Day!

I have officially “graduated” from my RE to my OBGYN.  This is definitely a bittersweet moment, but mostly sweet.  The staff at MLF and my RE have been great throughout the entire process, and I appreciate them so much for everything.  But I am so GLAD I never have to see them again!  That is, until the next baby.  They are sending my paperwork to my current OBGYN, and I am subsequently going to leave my current OBGYN to join a practice that is affiliated with two hospitals in the area and one birth center.  Unfortunately, my current OBGYN is not affiliated with any birth centers, and I really would like that as an option for my birth plan.  

Today’s u/s was the most entertaining of them all!  The little man was huge!  He was measuring 11w1d (which is right on track) and had a heartbeat of 167 bpm.  He is about the size of a plum (I’m told) and he was jumping around in there like a little monkey!  It was hilarious…he was bending his little knees and springing himself up towards the top of the screen.  I.am.in.trouble!!  He also moved in such a way that you could see his little rump, his two legs, and then something sticking out in between!! The u/s tech asked if we knew what we were having, and after I told her yes she said “good because that’s his sex organ right there between his legs”.  I couldn’t believe it!  That’s definitely not the irish in him…lol J  I seriously love him and I am totally in for it- he is going to crush me, I just know it.  That little jumping bean on the u/s screen has already stolen my heart!  We didn’t get a very good picture because he was moving around too much.

As for my future with my RE and his practice, I asked how soon after a baby is born that I could start my next IVF cycle.  I know, I know, I never focus on the present. But I wanted to get his thoughts on our last appointment.  He said that he needs me to not be breastfeeding for at least two months before we start another FET or fresh cycle, so I am thinking Jan/Feb 2013 would be the earliest we would get back on the IVF horse.  My 32^nd birthday is tomorrow (what a great birthday present today was!) so I didn’t want to push up to far against the 35 deadline because then it’s an uphill battle even WITHOUT all of my chromosome issues.  I would like to be done by 35 and put these horrific childbearing years behind me.  That’s so sad. I was looking forward to these years my entire adult life and I’ve been reduced to rushing through them to get to the other side.  I hate infertility.

I have to do some serious thinking about IVF nurse and RE gifts.  I have off the week between Christmas and New Years and I wanted to visit the office in Bryn Mawr to see those guys and give little “thank yous”.  I’m leaning towards bath & body gift sets or some kind of gift from Harry & David.  I wanted to stay away from alcohol because some people don’t drink, and also anything Christmas because I don’t know who’s Christian vs. Jewish.  M wants to get the RE some Cubans, and my last task today was to make sure I asked him if he smoked cigars before I left his office.   I suppose all of these are trivial things, because “thank you” just doesn’t seem adequate for the team that helped us to realize our dreams.   Although we aren’t out of the woods yet (still 2 more weeks until I’m out of the first trimester), I am feeling very good about where we’ve come from.   If I start to panic about miscarriage or losing the baby, M always reminds me that our peanut has already weathered like 7 rounds of the natural selection process to get where he is today- egg retrieval, ICSI, reaching blast, a freeze AND a thaw, transfer, and implantation.  And we hope he isn’t going anywhere any time soon!

9w3d- Peanut! and giving thanks.

The big man looks like a peanut in his u/s today. I can see arms and I think I saw some eyes too.  His head/body are looking less shrimp-like and more round.  My little monkey.  He is measuring right on target and heartbeat is still strong!  I am feeling better than I have in awhile- once the spotting from earlier this week stopped.  I still have a weird appetite, but the nausea is almost 100% gone.  I busted out some maternity jeans for work today and good Lord do I love them. They are just like denim pajama pants.  Why would I not wear these pre- and post-pregnancy?!  Eh, I guess that’s old lady-ish but still. 

I have my last appointment at the RE’s office on Tuesday 11/29 and at that point he said I should be taken off all of my meds.  I’m glad I have one more appointment for 11 weeks, just for my own sanity.  My first pre-natal appointment at the OBGYN’s is 12/8 and I’m trying to see how I can slyly get an appointment either right before or right after that around 12 weeks.  I just really am addicted to seeing my little cutie and I don’t know how I will do it when these weekly visits stop!

Since we are coming up on the Thanksgiving holiday, I have had some time to reflect on what I am thankful for, including:

-          My husband, who puts up with my 9pm toddler outbursts because I am hungry/tired/sick/crazy

-          My parents and family, who are always supportive of me and have taken part in this emotional rollercoaster since it began 18 months ago

-           PGD/IVF/ my RE for giving me the gift of life, when my statistics said it would mostly likely never happen for me

That is on my top three, there are many more things to be thankful for this year and every year.  I know we have been through so much but I realize more and more every day how truly blessed we are, even if the baby thing doesn’t work out for us.  We don’t have much to complain about, that’s for sure.

9 week scare

Yesterday started out normal, just feeling a little queasy.  I have started to feel famished every 2-3 hours so I am eating a lot of little snacks throughout the day.  I was at work, and around 5pm I went to the restroom.  I had been wearing a liner because of the Crinone leakage, and I looked down and there was blood soaking the pad (sorry, graphic material ahead).  I went to the bathroom and there was bright red blood gushing out all over.  However, I did not have cramps at all and was not in pain.  My heart was pounding so I left work immediately and called the answering service at my RE’s office.  My doc was on call and called me back immediately.  I told him what happened and his first question was about cramping.  He said that if I didn’t have cramps, that it was a good sign…apparently sometimes capillaries burst or the placenta pulls away from the uterus (sub -chorionic hemorrhage).  That is not dangerous for the baby, just results in a lot of blood sometimes lasting 24-36 hours.  He told me to lie down for the rest of the night, don’t aggravate the situation, and to come in first thing in the morning for a scan.  It seems like just as fast as the bleeding started, it stopped.  I mean, didn’t even taper off.   It was bizarre but I followed his orders and M did not let me move all night.  It was really nice to be waited on J

So I went in this morning for an ultrasound at 830am and confirmed that all looked good.  He is still there, heart beating at 169bpm and measuring 2.5cm (9w1d).  But they never tell you about this stuff, do they?  I googled it last night and apparently everyone and their mother is bleeding with no cramps and all the babies are just fine.  I used to make fun of those people on shows like “I didn’t know I was Pregnant”, but maybe with all the spotting, bleeding, and capillaries bursting, if you weren’t trying to get pregnant, maybe you just wouldn’t know better?  Nah, I still don’t buy it.

8w3d - Happy Veterans Day

I am starting to finally feel like I can breathe.  There, I just jinxed myself.  Damn.  But seriously, my progesterone went from 4 to 24 in 4 days of just being back on my shots, HcG has plateaued and the big man grew to 2cm as of today.  I went to an appointment on Tuesday to check my progesterone and got an 8 week picture of the little nugget

Today he was even bigger and I just can’t get over the rapid change I’m witnessing.  His profile is below and head is down, buns are in the air.  This isn’t even the best view I saw.  On the monitor, I got to see the front (or back?) view and I saw the outline of his head, little nubby arms and legs. It was AMAZING.

So they are going to see me one last time next week, when I am 9w3d, but they said they don’t like anyone to go more than 2 weeks without an ultrasound.  My first OBGYN appointment is scheduled for December 9 (right after I hit 12 weeks, God willing) so hopefully my RE will keep me until 10 weeks then at 12 weeks I’ll have more pictures and peace of mind.  I am still petrified of losing this baby but I have to continue to hide it from certain people in my life.    But every week it does get easier- I don’t even have breakdowns before my appointments anymore.  Although something about putting my feet in stirrups for an internal ultrasound does tense me up right before it happens.

In other news, the fetal doppler that M ordered last week arrived yesterday. The heartbeat thing blows my mind- it starts at about 5 or 6 weeks gestation and if all goes well will continue to beat for 90 years!  God is so GREAT!  Anyway, last night I got lubed up with u/s gel (gross) and prodded for a good half hour while M attempted to locate a heartbeat I'm convinced is too quiet for us to hear yet.  Maybe in another week or so, but I definitely think it is too early.  Of course, I have no choice in the matter and will be subjected to nightly prodding until then.  But, whatever makes the man happy :-)  He's been waiting even longer than I have for these moments.  I suppose we should start to enjoy them.

Lastly, I would like to wish a Happy Veterans Day to those who are serving and have served, including my father. 

You have served your country.
You have returned to tell
Of the bravery and loyalty
Of those you knew so well.
You may have prowled through jungles
Of Borneo, Laos or Vietnam.
You may have encountered other struggles
In Egypt, Iraq or Afghanistan.
May we share with others what we have learned
With those who need to know -
That respect and loyalty are earned
And that citations are not just for show.
We can never thank you for all that you have done.
For we know that some gave all, but all gave some.
So as we pause this day to muse
On all the sordid daily news.
Let us say a prayer and a word of thanks
For those now serving in the ranks.

8 weeks

I went in this morning for the follow up to last Friday’s progesterone drop.  I found out that two weeks ago, my progesterone was 17, and last week it was 4, which was well below normal range and obviously a significant/alarming event.  They didn’t know it, but I had stopped taking my progesterone, so they doubled my dose.  I, on the other hand, just went back to the normal dose I had stopped taking.  I haven’t heard from them today to tell me to change anything, so I’m assuming we are back to normal.  I also got a u/s this morning and he’s measuring 16.9mm, heart is beating at 160bpm and he was measuring 8w5d which is WAY ahead of what I thought based on last Friday.  He should only be around 8 weeks today which is what I’m going to say he is, because the u/s tech did say that some of the machines measure differently.  But THAT different??  Wow.  So as of right now I am content knowing that he is ok.  The nurse today said that 20mm is a significant milestone for them as far as fetus growth is concerned. I asked her why, and she told me, but now I forget (pregnancy brain!).  So we have another couple millimeters to go and should get there by Friday.   

This week Mike rented a fetal doppler for us to use until I can feel movement. On the one hand, I’m excited to be able to check on him at any time to make sure he’s still alive and kicking – until he can ACTUALLY kick.  But on the other hand….what if I don’t hear the heart beat one day?  That will cause more anxiety than anything else.  And then what am I supposed to do- call the doctor and say “I’ve been using a fetal doppler and don’t hear the heart, can I come in?”.   I feel like that will make me the freaky worry wart mom that I am trying NOT to be.  Though it would inform me of a problem before anything else….but if everything is ok and we don’t know how to use it then we may be doing ourselves a disservice.   I guess it doesn’t matter- that fetal doppler shipped today and we’re getting to the point in the pregnancy that we SHOULD be able to hear the heart. 

I am feeling pretty good for the most part.  The nausea I had week 6/7 (which felt like FOREVER) is now subsiding a little bit, and so has my tiredness.  I still sleep 9 or 10 hours a night which is what I feel like I NEED, but I feel less tired during the day and I think am less likely to nap.  Though I did nap last Saturday and it was amazing…I don’t know why I fight the nap.  I feel less bloated and am still fitting in normal pants for now, but I think in the next couple of weeks I’m going to pop a button.  I am trying not to eat for two but my stomach is always growling.   I don’t want to use this as a license to eat but it’s really hard considering all I want is PB&J, ice cream, and sweets.  Or pasta.  I could go for stuffed shells tonight, I think that’s what I’ll make. Yummm

7w3d..mixed reviews

This morning was even worse than last Friday.  I had two full breakdowns before I got to the doc's office. But we got through it today and will forge on to another week!  Heartbeat is at 140bpm up from 120bpm last week.  Our little nugget has doubled in size and I saw the heartbeat flickering away. 

  

I told the u/s tech that for the past couple of days I have had bloating and pain in my back.  She located some follicles that apparently had burst and we could see the fluid around them.  They said it wasn't a big deal and I was just glad it wasn't the ectopic pregnancy I had been dreading.  

Everything looked great according to the doctor, no bleeding around the pregnancy, significant growth and strong heartbeat.  He asked how I was feeling, and I told him about the nausea, bloating, fatigue and spotting during the last week. He seemed surprised at the spotting but said it was probably from my cervix not from the pregnancy. I should have known there would be an issue when the nurses called me today with results from my bloodwork- they never call if all is well.  They said that my HcG is around 92,000 which is a good, stable number, but my progesterone had dropped significantly from the prior appointment.  What I didn't tell them, though, is that I had stopped taking my progesterone shots one week ago.  It was stupid and reckless, but I couldn't take one more shot in my butt.  I thought if everything was right, my body would take over and do what it was supposed to do.  Unfortunately, I was mistaken and as of today I am taking all the shots in my butt one person can handle.  I will never divert from their instructions again, and I am completely freaking out at the thought of losing this pregnancy.  My next appointment is Tuesday morning to check my progesterone levels again, and since I'm being a good little patient, hopefully they are up.

6w3d- Stero Heart

This cycle of weekly ultrasounds is going to send me to an early grave.  Every Friday is the same- I wake up with nausea and overwhelming nervousness, too sick to eat breakfast, too sick to think about anything else but having my life ruined with one wave of a magic ultrasound wand.  I get to the RE's office and in two seconds the ultrasound is finished and all is right with the world...until next week.  We are happy for about 3 days then towards mid- week the cycle begins again.  Depression, nervousness, crying...until a heartbeat is re-confirmed and all is good again.  I get to do this at least 6 more times until December- awesome!! But I really can't complain, it is a good problem to have because it means I'm pregnant and things are progressing.

This morning I saw a heartbeat flicker from the little peanut on the ultrasound monitor. We've been here before, but I have to believe that this time is different.  I hope this time is different.

I have been sick in the mornings lately, and at about 10am like clockwork it goes away.  The fatigue at this stage is getting worse, I am so tired and if I'm up past 9pm I slur my words and get glassy eyed like I'm drunk.  My appetite is up and down- I don't know what I want to eat most of the time, but am so hungry.  Nothing really appeals to me and I don't have any cravings..yet.  Those are most of the symptoms so far, and like I said, I can't really complain because I'm just lucky to have them.

Baby Steps- 5w3d

This morning I had my first appointment at the satellite RE office. I was so nervous in the morning; I really thought I was going to be sick.  It was either nerves or the start of morning sickness, but probably a little bit of both.  I was feeling super emotional driving to my appointment- I saw a little family of goats in a field and burst into tears.  If I saw a family of ants I’d probably do the same.  Anyway, they took me back right away and I had the nicest ultrasound tech, she was so bubbly and sweet I couldn’t help but think positive. She took my blood and then did an internal ultrasound, where she immediately located one gestational sac and a fetal pole.  She took a couple of pictures and printed them out for me, and did some measurements.  Everything looked fine and she confirmed my ovaries were “sleeping”.  Poor little ovaries, they’ve been run through the wringer, they deserve a break… 

 After my exam I met with the doctor and he told me to keep doing what I’m doing with the meds, and that he was really surprised they didn’t see two sacs given that my levels were so high. I asked what the percentages were with ectopic pregnancy with IVF and he said around 1%.  He said there is also something called “heterotopic” pregnancy, where one embryo implants in the uterus, and one in the fallopian tube (i.e. ectopic).  But he said the chances that it would happen to me are very slim (less than 1%).  So now of course that’s all I can think about.  Ectopic pregnancies don’t rear their ugly heads until around 7 weeks when you can have a lot of pain that might feel like appendicitis.  Your fallopian tube can rupture and if you are also carrying a viable pregnancy you will need surgery.  There’s about a 35% chance that the viable pregnancy will not survive because of the trauma of surgery.  I might be going overboard here, but I really am nervous about this one. You would think that the sh*tty hand I’ve been dealt is over, but I’ve learned there is no limit to the sh*t one person can be exposed to.

So now I will just have to wait a few more weeks and just keep praying.  The doc is going to see me weekly until about 12 weeks, and then I will be released to my OBGYN.  Next appointment is the morning of Friday 10/28.  Symptoms so far are crankiness, emotional outbursts, sore boobs, belly, bloating/indigestion and general feeling of ickiness.  No cravings, sickness (except for nerves this morning) …yet.