6w3d- Stero Heart

This cycle of weekly ultrasounds is going to send me to an early grave.  Every Friday is the same- I wake up with nausea and overwhelming nervousness, too sick to eat breakfast, too sick to think about anything else but having my life ruined with one wave of a magic ultrasound wand.  I get to the RE's office and in two seconds the ultrasound is finished and all is right with the world...until next week.  We are happy for about 3 days then towards mid- week the cycle begins again.  Depression, nervousness, crying...until a heartbeat is re-confirmed and all is good again.  I get to do this at least 6 more times until December- awesome!! But I really can't complain, it is a good problem to have because it means I'm pregnant and things are progressing.

This morning I saw a heartbeat flicker from the little peanut on the ultrasound monitor. We've been here before, but I have to believe that this time is different.  I hope this time is different.

I have been sick in the mornings lately, and at about 10am like clockwork it goes away.  The fatigue at this stage is getting worse, I am so tired and if I'm up past 9pm I slur my words and get glassy eyed like I'm drunk.  My appetite is up and down- I don't know what I want to eat most of the time, but am so hungry.  Nothing really appeals to me and I don't have any cravings..yet.  Those are most of the symptoms so far, and like I said, I can't really complain because I'm just lucky to have them.

Baby Steps- 5w3d

This morning I had my first appointment at the satellite RE office. I was so nervous in the morning; I really thought I was going to be sick.  It was either nerves or the start of morning sickness, but probably a little bit of both.  I was feeling super emotional driving to my appointment- I saw a little family of goats in a field and burst into tears.  If I saw a family of ants I’d probably do the same.  Anyway, they took me back right away and I had the nicest ultrasound tech, she was so bubbly and sweet I couldn’t help but think positive. She took my blood and then did an internal ultrasound, where she immediately located one gestational sac and a fetal pole.  She took a couple of pictures and printed them out for me, and did some measurements.  Everything looked fine and she confirmed my ovaries were “sleeping”.  Poor little ovaries, they’ve been run through the wringer, they deserve a break… 

 After my exam I met with the doctor and he told me to keep doing what I’m doing with the meds, and that he was really surprised they didn’t see two sacs given that my levels were so high. I asked what the percentages were with ectopic pregnancy with IVF and he said around 1%.  He said there is also something called “heterotopic” pregnancy, where one embryo implants in the uterus, and one in the fallopian tube (i.e. ectopic).  But he said the chances that it would happen to me are very slim (less than 1%).  So now of course that’s all I can think about.  Ectopic pregnancies don’t rear their ugly heads until around 7 weeks when you can have a lot of pain that might feel like appendicitis.  Your fallopian tube can rupture and if you are also carrying a viable pregnancy you will need surgery.  There’s about a 35% chance that the viable pregnancy will not survive because of the trauma of surgery.  I might be going overboard here, but I really am nervous about this one. You would think that the sh*tty hand I’ve been dealt is over, but I’ve learned there is no limit to the sh*t one person can be exposed to.

So now I will just have to wait a few more weeks and just keep praying.  The doc is going to see me weekly until about 12 weeks, and then I will be released to my OBGYN.  Next appointment is the morning of Friday 10/28.  Symptoms so far are crankiness, emotional outbursts, sore boobs, belly, bloating/indigestion and general feeling of ickiness.  No cravings, sickness (except for nerves this morning) …yet.

Beta #2- 3,010

I am feeling more and more comfortable with every high number I see.  Of course, we all know infertility takes away the initial naivete that comes with "first" pregnancies, as most of us will experience several unsuccessful ones before we finally break the cycle.  But, I think that this is the first time I'm feeling really good about where we are, in spite of all of the remaining hurdles we have yet to cross. Today marks the day that I "graduate" from the RE's main IVF office and move to a satellite office for monitoring until about 12 weeks (God willing).  I was told to make an appointment for the end of this week for an ultrasound and hopefully we'll be able to see 1 (or 2!) gestational sacs and confirm that there is no ectopic pregnancy. For some reason, I'm really hung up on ectopic right now.  Like, I think I might have one or something. Probably because I know not to get too comfortable when you get two pink lines on a pregnancy test.

11dp5dt- Beta 450!!

 Woot woot!

At this point they say anything over 400 is good (indicates singleton pregnancy), and it will double every few days.  I am scheduled to go back for more bloodwork early next week so hopefully the numbers will keep increasing! One hurdle crossed...about a hundred more to go!

I really want to get my IVF nurses a little something.  There are 4 of them, but 2 I saw regularly and really really loved - Nina and Caron.  Not to jinx myself, I think I will wait until around the holidays because I will be around 12 weeks (God willing) at that point. Not really sure what could even possibly say "thank you", because the statement itself seems so inadequate. I'll have to do some googling...

9dp5dt- Still Positive!

For right now, I am still pregnant!  

7dp5dt

9dp5dt

The first one was so faint but this morning, there is no mistaking. After the spotting on Monday, it continued into Tuesday but appears to have stopped today. I guess I am not that worried about it at this point. I called my RE's office to let them know about the spotting and the positive HPT, and they moved my blood test appointment from Monday to this coming Friday 10/14.  I am so happy to get results two days earlier so at least I can go into the weekend knowing either way where I stand.  I just hope if this doesn't turn out to be "it", it doesn't drag on and on with endless checks of my HcG and numbers that aren't doing what they should.  If it's over, I just want it to be over.  But we can't always get what we want, can we? That's why we are here in the first place.

7dp5dt- Confusion and Follow up #1

I may have done myself a disservice by taking an HPT last night. It was positive (very faint second line, but DEFINITELY there)...and I took one again this morning and got the same result.  We are/were so excited, but then around 1pm today, I started lightly spotting.  That didn't upset me too much, as I understand it's common.  However, by 7pm it was pinkish/reddish and a bit heavier, which completely freaked me out.  By 8pm it seems to have stopped...but I have no idea what just happened or what it means. I plan on taking another HPT Wednesday morning to see if the line is still there, which will be 9dp5dt and the day I "should" have missed my period if I were a normal person.  I also think the line, if it's still there, should be much darker by then. Unfortunately, at my follow up this morning they will not be testing for hcG so I will not know for sure until the beta test next Monday, 10/17.  This is absolute torture!  Last time, I did not have a second line in any of the 5 HPTs I took- at least this time there is a glimmer of hope, even though I realize it can be snatched away at any moment.  I even thought about going to the gym tomorrow and walking on the treadmill, thinking everything was going to be just fine.  But now, I'm scared to even do that.

I am such a mix of emotions right now, but mostly I think I just feel numb.  I can't really be too happy, but I can't be sad yet either because technically I'm testing positive for excess hcG.  I'm praying for for some pregnancy symptoms to make me feel better- I'll take anything,  even morning sickness! It is an understatement to say that this process is an emotional rollercoaster.

FET Transfer Day

Two Day 6 Grade B Blasts are in!! Nothing left to do now but wait...and this is my new motto:

I reported this morning to the RE's office at 8:15am with a full bladder as directed.  They didn't call me back until after 8:30am and oh boy, did I have to GO.  Small price to pay for this process though...so worth it. Transfer went smoothly and by 9:30am I was on my way home.  M didn't come with me this time because it really wasn't a big deal (we knew from last time) but I did send him some pictures of our embryos.  I love being on bed rest for 24 hours and missing work. This is such a relaxing day and I'm making it my business to stay stress free! I spent the day watching movies on Netflix and my parents brought me lunch.  Here is a picture of my people:

I have some slight cramping right now, and am still supposed to continue my estrogen patches, pills, and PIO until further notice. My next appointment is Monday Oct 10 for bloodwork, and then Monday Oct 17 for the Beta.  I know my own weakness and will probably POAS next Monday/Tuesday, which will be 7dp6dt or 13/14 days post-"ovulation". No need to prolong the inevitable. We are feeling really positive and I know this week will fly by because I will be working tons of overtime. It will be the weekend before we know it..next weekend we are taking one of my nephews while my brother & sister in law are in North Jersey for a wedding.  My nephew is almost one year and he is so much fun to be around right now- when I'm with him I feel like all of my infertility woes are cured! I have another nephew who is 14 months old and equally as fun to be around. Which is weird because all other non- relative kids make me sad, but for some reason when I'm with the nephews I forget about all that.  Interesting how things work.

Here's to the next 7 days of waiting!