11dp5dt- Beta 450!!

 Woot woot!

At this point they say anything over 400 is good (indicates singleton pregnancy), and it will double every few days.  I am scheduled to go back for more bloodwork early next week so hopefully the numbers will keep increasing! One hurdle crossed...about a hundred more to go!

I really want to get my IVF nurses a little something.  There are 4 of them, but 2 I saw regularly and really really loved - Nina and Caron.  Not to jinx myself, I think I will wait until around the holidays because I will be around 12 weeks (God willing) at that point. Not really sure what could even possibly say "thank you", because the statement itself seems so inadequate. I'll have to do some googling...

9dp5dt- Still Positive!

For right now, I am still pregnant!  

7dp5dt

9dp5dt

The first one was so faint but this morning, there is no mistaking. After the spotting on Monday, it continued into Tuesday but appears to have stopped today. I guess I am not that worried about it at this point. I called my RE's office to let them know about the spotting and the positive HPT, and they moved my blood test appointment from Monday to this coming Friday 10/14.  I am so happy to get results two days earlier so at least I can go into the weekend knowing either way where I stand.  I just hope if this doesn't turn out to be "it", it doesn't drag on and on with endless checks of my HcG and numbers that aren't doing what they should.  If it's over, I just want it to be over.  But we can't always get what we want, can we? That's why we are here in the first place.

7dp5dt- Confusion and Follow up #1

I may have done myself a disservice by taking an HPT last night. It was positive (very faint second line, but DEFINITELY there)...and I took one again this morning and got the same result.  We are/were so excited, but then around 1pm today, I started lightly spotting.  That didn't upset me too much, as I understand it's common.  However, by 7pm it was pinkish/reddish and a bit heavier, which completely freaked me out.  By 8pm it seems to have stopped...but I have no idea what just happened or what it means. I plan on taking another HPT Wednesday morning to see if the line is still there, which will be 9dp5dt and the day I "should" have missed my period if I were a normal person.  I also think the line, if it's still there, should be much darker by then. Unfortunately, at my follow up this morning they will not be testing for hcG so I will not know for sure until the beta test next Monday, 10/17.  This is absolute torture!  Last time, I did not have a second line in any of the 5 HPTs I took- at least this time there is a glimmer of hope, even though I realize it can be snatched away at any moment.  I even thought about going to the gym tomorrow and walking on the treadmill, thinking everything was going to be just fine.  But now, I'm scared to even do that.

I am such a mix of emotions right now, but mostly I think I just feel numb.  I can't really be too happy, but I can't be sad yet either because technically I'm testing positive for excess hcG.  I'm praying for for some pregnancy symptoms to make me feel better- I'll take anything,  even morning sickness! It is an understatement to say that this process is an emotional rollercoaster.

FET Transfer Day

Two Day 6 Grade B Blasts are in!! Nothing left to do now but wait...and this is my new motto:

I reported this morning to the RE's office at 8:15am with a full bladder as directed.  They didn't call me back until after 8:30am and oh boy, did I have to GO.  Small price to pay for this process though...so worth it. Transfer went smoothly and by 9:30am I was on my way home.  M didn't come with me this time because it really wasn't a big deal (we knew from last time) but I did send him some pictures of our embryos.  I love being on bed rest for 24 hours and missing work. This is such a relaxing day and I'm making it my business to stay stress free! I spent the day watching movies on Netflix and my parents brought me lunch.  Here is a picture of my people:

I have some slight cramping right now, and am still supposed to continue my estrogen patches, pills, and PIO until further notice. My next appointment is Monday Oct 10 for bloodwork, and then Monday Oct 17 for the Beta.  I know my own weakness and will probably POAS next Monday/Tuesday, which will be 7dp6dt or 13/14 days post-"ovulation". No need to prolong the inevitable. We are feeling really positive and I know this week will fly by because I will be working tons of overtime. It will be the weekend before we know it..next weekend we are taking one of my nephews while my brother & sister in law are in North Jersey for a wedding.  My nephew is almost one year and he is so much fun to be around right now- when I'm with him I feel like all of my infertility woes are cured! I have another nephew who is 14 months old and equally as fun to be around. Which is weird because all other non- relative kids make me sad, but for some reason when I'm with the nephews I forget about all that.  Interesting how things work.

Here's to the next 7 days of waiting!

CD 18 - Go Time!

Oh thick lining, how I’ve missed you! Getting good news today from the RE that my lining is up to 8.7mm almost combats the fact that someone brought their 2 year old to the fertility doctor’s office. The insensitivity of people never ceases to amaze me. I was so prepared for bad news- I guess we are all trained to expect the worst with our “situation”- but today we are one step closer to transfer. I am excited and hopeful, but also petrified of another let down. I will try to push down the fear for now because I have been told it isn’t going to get me anywhere ;-) FET is scheduled for the morning of Monday, October 3 and it is an understatement to say that I’m ready to do this. Tomorrow I start Medrol and PIO, and am continuing the oral estrogen pills and patches until transfer.

The past week or so has been interesting- there’s a first time for everything. This was the first time I’ve ever had to actually put an estrogen pill where no estrogen pill should ever have to go. And the best part is, they are blue, so the next day it looks like I’m leaking blue raspberry Jolly Ranchers. Ahh… nothing like the joys of a FET cycle...


On a side note, I received yet another email from a high school girlfriend informing me that she is expecting her second baby in April 2012. Her first one was born when we were all 28 and now she’ll have her second one when we are all 32. A perfect four years apart and perfectly planned and executed with no issues- she’ll probably have a boy this time because she already has a girl and things just work out so PERFECTLY for some people. Fabulous. Wonderful. Ugh. My self pity is overwhelming and if I talk to anyone about what I’m feeling right now I’ll sound like an ungrateful b*tch. I appreciate God’s irony and timing of things.

CD 12 Check In

I have never been so happy to see my thick lining on the u/s monitor as I was today! Looks like these estrogen patches and pills are working their magic because my lining today was 7.5mm and they are looking for it to be >8mm.  I go back on Friday and with some luck they will schedule me for an embryo transfer later next week! 

It's ironic that the small amount of drugs I'm taking right now has messed with my body the most out of all my cycles.  I could do injections in my sleep, but for some reason the estrogen I'm taking is causing insomnia, major bloating, memory lapse and appetite loss (which I'm ok with..lol).  All I have wanted to eat for the past week and a half is cereal, peanut butter & jelly, and frozen yogurt.  Everything else makes me feel like I'm going to throw up.  If I didn't know any better I would say I was pregnant!  But I obviously DO know better...so ....we continue to wait.
 
SO CLOSE!! Yet so far....

FET #2 Update and Blocking

I started my cycle on Saturday 9/10 and left a message for the IVF nursing team to let them know.  This morning when I spoke to them, I scheduled my first monitoring appointment for Weds, 9/21.  Today I am supposed to start estrogen pills (Estrace- 2mg) 3x per day, Vivelle Dot Estrogen Patch, Doxycycline 2x per day, Baby Asprin, and Prenatal Vitamins.  They are getting me started on the estrogen early to avoid the issue we had last time of no developing follicle by Day 22 or 23 and thin lining.  I am hopeful that my body will respond to the medicine as it always does and help me to get ready for a FET.  I counted my days (as always) and if all goes well I could have a transfer by the last week in September, prior to Friday 9/30!!  I am still feeling pretty good about transferring two embryos, but we’ll see.

It feels like a lot of babies were born in the last couple of weeks.   I have blocked so many Facebook news feeds that I basically only get updates from 10% of my friends (and I don’t even have that many to begin with).  My cousin, my ex-coworker, and a girlfriend from high school all had babies within the past two weeks.  Block, block , block.  Other acquaintances/friends are announcing second and third pregnancies.  Block.

The only thing that keeps me from going insane is the fact that two of my girlfriends are recently engaged and are anticipating summer 2012 weddings.  I am in one of them, and will hopefully be attending the other (assuming it’s in the continental U.S.).  That is getting me pumped for 2012 and giving me something to look forward to should this FET (and subsequent FETs/IVFs) not work out.   The wedding of my best girlfriend, the one I am in next August, makes me feel the happiest. She went through the same thing I am going through, on some parallel level, with dating/marriage.  The thing  I love about her the most is that she KNEW she was going to get married. She didn’t know how it would happen, when, or why, but she believed in it and knew it would happen someday.  She never gave up and when she couldn’t stand to go on one more blind date or fix- up, she did it anyway because you don’t move forward if you don’t try.  I know you might think I’m crazy for using this as an analogy to IVF, but in some ways, it is sort of the same.  It’s something you want so badly that you’ll do whatever it takes to make IT happen. You will mourn for IT if you don’t get IT. You will obsess about IT and IT will over-take your life if you let IT.

I have learned from her that when you can’t stand it anymore you just keep trying. And if things don’t work out perfectly, you still keep trying.  At this point, that’s enough for me.