34 weeks- Reflections on my last pregnancy

I had my 34 week appointment this week and all is looking good!  I am tipping the scales at +40 lbs from my starting weight, which is pretty much where I was last time I think.  I am having Braxton Hicks contractions pretty regularly, and also very mild cramps.  I had to ask the doctor this week for a note saying I should only be working 40 hours/week because the last few weeks have been absolutely horrible at work.  Not to mention the 3 times I've been to the pediatrician with Luke in the last 3 weeks (ear infection, croupe, ear infection)...and 4 snow days.  I am completely exhausted and really nearing the end of my rope.  M has been so great helping out with Luke - every weekend morning he gets up with Luke and lets me sleep in.  I am definitely excited to get my body back and be able to get on the ground and really play with the babies!

Speaking of getting my pregnancy body back, I am acutely aware that this will probably be the last time I'm pregnant in my life.  It is so interesting that I've waited my whole life to have the "child bearing" years, and after all of the IVF and infertility trials, I am coming to the end of this road.  It is bittersweet for me.  M said it the other day, and I didn't even realize he was thinking of it too.  He said "I will miss pregnant Mariana".  I will miss knowing the feeling of someone kicking me in the middle of the night :)....the way I cherish the fact that I'm the one who knew him first.  Both of my babies are such miracles in their own right (but aren't all the babies of the world?)....the fact that I was able to have them will never cease to amaze me.  My only fear is that they don't realize how perfect and wanted they are.  I will miss my maternity clothes- and the fact that skinny jeans and stretch pants aren't as daunting to me when I'm pregnant.  Flaunting the curves and the belly is so liberating after living a life of always thinking you are "fat".  I will miss being waited on and given concessions.  But most of all, I will miss the feeling of youth itself. These are the fertile, youthful, vital years where we are supposed to be a the top of our game- feeling good, looking good, doing good things.  I realize those years are fleeting and I'm trying to hold on- and pregnancy helps me do that.  But you can't stop time.