34 weeks- Reflections on my last pregnancy

I had my 34 week appointment this week and all is looking good!  I am tipping the scales at +40 lbs from my starting weight, which is pretty much where I was last time I think.  I am having Braxton Hicks contractions pretty regularly, and also very mild cramps.  I had to ask the doctor this week for a note saying I should only be working 40 hours/week because the last few weeks have been absolutely horrible at work.  Not to mention the 3 times I've been to the pediatrician with Luke in the last 3 weeks (ear infection, croupe, ear infection)...and 4 snow days.  I am completely exhausted and really nearing the end of my rope.  M has been so great helping out with Luke - every weekend morning he gets up with Luke and lets me sleep in.  I am definitely excited to get my body back and be able to get on the ground and really play with the babies!

Speaking of getting my pregnancy body back, I am acutely aware that this will probably be the last time I'm pregnant in my life.  It is so interesting that I've waited my whole life to have the "child bearing" years, and after all of the IVF and infertility trials, I am coming to the end of this road.  It is bittersweet for me.  M said it the other day, and I didn't even realize he was thinking of it too.  He said "I will miss pregnant Mariana".  I will miss knowing the feeling of someone kicking me in the middle of the night :)....the way I cherish the fact that I'm the one who knew him first.  Both of my babies are such miracles in their own right (but aren't all the babies of the world?)....the fact that I was able to have them will never cease to amaze me.  My only fear is that they don't realize how perfect and wanted they are.  I will miss my maternity clothes- and the fact that skinny jeans and stretch pants aren't as daunting to me when I'm pregnant.  Flaunting the curves and the belly is so liberating after living a life of always thinking you are "fat".  I will miss being waited on and given concessions.  But most of all, I will miss the feeling of youth itself. These are the fertile, youthful, vital years where we are supposed to be a the top of our game- feeling good, looking good, doing good things.  I realize those years are fleeting and I'm trying to hold on- and pregnancy helps me do that.  But you can't stop time.

32 weeks- Year End and Play dates

After every holiday season there is the dreaded year-end at my work.  Since I'm an accountant, we close the books for our company on 12/31 and the next 3-6 weeks are horrible.   I should be used to it by now but this year is especially hard being in the third trimester.  I just got done working 12 out of the last 14 days and I am exhausted.  Some of the nights were later- 9 or 10pm being the latest, 6pm being the earliest. But this past Friday I got out at 5pm and it was lovely! I also got told by the security guard at my work " you still have 8 weeks to go? You are huge!"  Thanks.  Yes, I realize I am waddling like a penguin and people move out of my way in the hallways for fear that I possibly won't fit, but you shouldn't say something like that to a pregnant woman!

We had a play date today with my friend Jenna and her two kids, Reagan (5) and Wyatt (3.5).  They were so well behaved, it was so enjoyable! I hadn't seen Jenna in about 6 months, and I had never met Wyatt but the last time I saw Reagan she was about 18  months.   Jenna & I try to get get together just us twice a year, but it was great to hang out with her kids and have them meet Luke.  Jenna has never met Luke, and she just found out a few weeks ago that I was pregnant again.  The kids played so nicely together and me and Jenna actually got to catch up a bit.  They were only here a little over two hours and it was just right.  Below is a pic of me & Jenna in our younger, LBI shore house days (Summer 2005)- I was 25 and she was about 31.  Fast forward to us now - Im almost 35 and she just turned 40...phew I can't believe it.

Feeling extra tired these last few weeks, as always.  My leg and lower back have been hurting and I have been enjoying some massages from the hubby.  Baby Sean has been moving a lot and keeping me up a bit at night.   M changed the middle name-  we decided on Sean Edward.  He changed his mind from Patrick because Luke's middle name is Michael and he decided that our second boy's middle name should be his middle name.  So we have Edward.  We went from Shaun Patrick to Sean Edward.  I would still like to reconsider the spelling of the first name- but I don't want to really press it that much.  

In a couple of weeks I'm going to be having lunch with doula Nikki to talk about the birth plan, or lack thereof.  Then a few weeks after that my cousin Michael and his wife Rachel (who used Nikki also) are having all of us as couples over to their house for dinner- which is so nice! I am really looking forward to that date night.  So I will get to see her a few times hopefully before the birth, and I really hope she's able to attend mine because I haven't met her partner Christina and I really just need Nikki there.  But I know it will work out and I won't stress about it.  Frankly, I really don't want to stress about anything labor/birth related this time. I just heard a story from a guy I work with who's wife just had a baby two weeks ago, and she wanted to go natural.  She was 3 cm about 3 weeks before her due date, and went into full labor 1 week before her due date.  She was 7cm by the time she  got to the hospital!  She made it so far...but ended up getting an epidural anyway.  Man, I would be lucky to make it that far.  If I was that far along that would be a dream.