11 weeks- Graduation Day!

I have officially “graduated” from my RE to my OBGYN.  This is definitely a bittersweet moment, but mostly sweet.  The staff at MLF and my RE have been great throughout the entire process, and I appreciate them so much for everything.  But I am so GLAD I never have to see them again!  That is, until the next baby.  They are sending my paperwork to my current OBGYN, and I am subsequently going to leave my current OBGYN to join a practice that is affiliated with two hospitals in the area and one birth center.  Unfortunately, my current OBGYN is not affiliated with any birth centers, and I really would like that as an option for my birth plan.  

Today’s u/s was the most entertaining of them all!  The little man was huge!  He was measuring 11w1d (which is right on track) and had a heartbeat of 167 bpm.  He is about the size of a plum (I’m told) and he was jumping around in there like a little monkey!  It was hilarious…he was bending his little knees and springing himself up towards the top of the screen.  I.am.in.trouble!!  He also moved in such a way that you could see his little rump, his two legs, and then something sticking out in between!! The u/s tech asked if we knew what we were having, and after I told her yes she said “good because that’s his sex organ right there between his legs”.  I couldn’t believe it!  That’s definitely not the irish in him…lol J  I seriously love him and I am totally in for it- he is going to crush me, I just know it.  That little jumping bean on the u/s screen has already stolen my heart!  We didn’t get a very good picture because he was moving around too much.

As for my future with my RE and his practice, I asked how soon after a baby is born that I could start my next IVF cycle.  I know, I know, I never focus on the present. But I wanted to get his thoughts on our last appointment.  He said that he needs me to not be breastfeeding for at least two months before we start another FET or fresh cycle, so I am thinking Jan/Feb 2013 would be the earliest we would get back on the IVF horse.  My 32^nd birthday is tomorrow (what a great birthday present today was!) so I didn’t want to push up to far against the 35 deadline because then it’s an uphill battle even WITHOUT all of my chromosome issues.  I would like to be done by 35 and put these horrific childbearing years behind me.  That’s so sad. I was looking forward to these years my entire adult life and I’ve been reduced to rushing through them to get to the other side.  I hate infertility.

I have to do some serious thinking about IVF nurse and RE gifts.  I have off the week between Christmas and New Years and I wanted to visit the office in Bryn Mawr to see those guys and give little “thank yous”.  I’m leaning towards bath & body gift sets or some kind of gift from Harry & David.  I wanted to stay away from alcohol because some people don’t drink, and also anything Christmas because I don’t know who’s Christian vs. Jewish.  M wants to get the RE some Cubans, and my last task today was to make sure I asked him if he smoked cigars before I left his office.   I suppose all of these are trivial things, because “thank you” just doesn’t seem adequate for the team that helped us to realize our dreams.   Although we aren’t out of the woods yet (still 2 more weeks until I’m out of the first trimester), I am feeling very good about where we’ve come from.   If I start to panic about miscarriage or losing the baby, M always reminds me that our peanut has already weathered like 7 rounds of the natural selection process to get where he is today- egg retrieval, ICSI, reaching blast, a freeze AND a thaw, transfer, and implantation.  And we hope he isn’t going anywhere any time soon!

9w3d- Peanut! and giving thanks.

The big man looks like a peanut in his u/s today. I can see arms and I think I saw some eyes too.  His head/body are looking less shrimp-like and more round.  My little monkey.  He is measuring right on target and heartbeat is still strong!  I am feeling better than I have in awhile- once the spotting from earlier this week stopped.  I still have a weird appetite, but the nausea is almost 100% gone.  I busted out some maternity jeans for work today and good Lord do I love them. They are just like denim pajama pants.  Why would I not wear these pre- and post-pregnancy?!  Eh, I guess that’s old lady-ish but still. 

I have my last appointment at the RE’s office on Tuesday 11/29 and at that point he said I should be taken off all of my meds.  I’m glad I have one more appointment for 11 weeks, just for my own sanity.  My first pre-natal appointment at the OBGYN’s is 12/8 and I’m trying to see how I can slyly get an appointment either right before or right after that around 12 weeks.  I just really am addicted to seeing my little cutie and I don’t know how I will do it when these weekly visits stop!

Since we are coming up on the Thanksgiving holiday, I have had some time to reflect on what I am thankful for, including:

-          My husband, who puts up with my 9pm toddler outbursts because I am hungry/tired/sick/crazy

-          My parents and family, who are always supportive of me and have taken part in this emotional rollercoaster since it began 18 months ago

-           PGD/IVF/ my RE for giving me the gift of life, when my statistics said it would mostly likely never happen for me

That is on my top three, there are many more things to be thankful for this year and every year.  I know we have been through so much but I realize more and more every day how truly blessed we are, even if the baby thing doesn’t work out for us.  We don’t have much to complain about, that’s for sure.

9 week scare

Yesterday started out normal, just feeling a little queasy.  I have started to feel famished every 2-3 hours so I am eating a lot of little snacks throughout the day.  I was at work, and around 5pm I went to the restroom.  I had been wearing a liner because of the Crinone leakage, and I looked down and there was blood soaking the pad (sorry, graphic material ahead).  I went to the bathroom and there was bright red blood gushing out all over.  However, I did not have cramps at all and was not in pain.  My heart was pounding so I left work immediately and called the answering service at my RE’s office.  My doc was on call and called me back immediately.  I told him what happened and his first question was about cramping.  He said that if I didn’t have cramps, that it was a good sign…apparently sometimes capillaries burst or the placenta pulls away from the uterus (sub -chorionic hemorrhage).  That is not dangerous for the baby, just results in a lot of blood sometimes lasting 24-36 hours.  He told me to lie down for the rest of the night, don’t aggravate the situation, and to come in first thing in the morning for a scan.  It seems like just as fast as the bleeding started, it stopped.  I mean, didn’t even taper off.   It was bizarre but I followed his orders and M did not let me move all night.  It was really nice to be waited on J

So I went in this morning for an ultrasound at 830am and confirmed that all looked good.  He is still there, heart beating at 169bpm and measuring 2.5cm (9w1d).  But they never tell you about this stuff, do they?  I googled it last night and apparently everyone and their mother is bleeding with no cramps and all the babies are just fine.  I used to make fun of those people on shows like “I didn’t know I was Pregnant”, but maybe with all the spotting, bleeding, and capillaries bursting, if you weren’t trying to get pregnant, maybe you just wouldn’t know better?  Nah, I still don’t buy it.

8w3d - Happy Veterans Day

I am starting to finally feel like I can breathe.  There, I just jinxed myself.  Damn.  But seriously, my progesterone went from 4 to 24 in 4 days of just being back on my shots, HcG has plateaued and the big man grew to 2cm as of today.  I went to an appointment on Tuesday to check my progesterone and got an 8 week picture of the little nugget

Today he was even bigger and I just can’t get over the rapid change I’m witnessing.  His profile is below and head is down, buns are in the air.  This isn’t even the best view I saw.  On the monitor, I got to see the front (or back?) view and I saw the outline of his head, little nubby arms and legs. It was AMAZING.

So they are going to see me one last time next week, when I am 9w3d, but they said they don’t like anyone to go more than 2 weeks without an ultrasound.  My first OBGYN appointment is scheduled for December 9 (right after I hit 12 weeks, God willing) so hopefully my RE will keep me until 10 weeks then at 12 weeks I’ll have more pictures and peace of mind.  I am still petrified of losing this baby but I have to continue to hide it from certain people in my life.    But every week it does get easier- I don’t even have breakdowns before my appointments anymore.  Although something about putting my feet in stirrups for an internal ultrasound does tense me up right before it happens.

In other news, the fetal doppler that M ordered last week arrived yesterday. The heartbeat thing blows my mind- it starts at about 5 or 6 weeks gestation and if all goes well will continue to beat for 90 years!  God is so GREAT!  Anyway, last night I got lubed up with u/s gel (gross) and prodded for a good half hour while M attempted to locate a heartbeat I'm convinced is too quiet for us to hear yet.  Maybe in another week or so, but I definitely think it is too early.  Of course, I have no choice in the matter and will be subjected to nightly prodding until then.  But, whatever makes the man happy :-)  He's been waiting even longer than I have for these moments.  I suppose we should start to enjoy them.

Lastly, I would like to wish a Happy Veterans Day to those who are serving and have served, including my father. 

You have served your country.
You have returned to tell
Of the bravery and loyalty
Of those you knew so well.
You may have prowled through jungles
Of Borneo, Laos or Vietnam.
You may have encountered other struggles
In Egypt, Iraq or Afghanistan.
May we share with others what we have learned
With those who need to know -
That respect and loyalty are earned
And that citations are not just for show.
We can never thank you for all that you have done.
For we know that some gave all, but all gave some.
So as we pause this day to muse
On all the sordid daily news.
Let us say a prayer and a word of thanks
For those now serving in the ranks.

8 weeks

I went in this morning for the follow up to last Friday’s progesterone drop.  I found out that two weeks ago, my progesterone was 17, and last week it was 4, which was well below normal range and obviously a significant/alarming event.  They didn’t know it, but I had stopped taking my progesterone, so they doubled my dose.  I, on the other hand, just went back to the normal dose I had stopped taking.  I haven’t heard from them today to tell me to change anything, so I’m assuming we are back to normal.  I also got a u/s this morning and he’s measuring 16.9mm, heart is beating at 160bpm and he was measuring 8w5d which is WAY ahead of what I thought based on last Friday.  He should only be around 8 weeks today which is what I’m going to say he is, because the u/s tech did say that some of the machines measure differently.  But THAT different??  Wow.  So as of right now I am content knowing that he is ok.  The nurse today said that 20mm is a significant milestone for them as far as fetus growth is concerned. I asked her why, and she told me, but now I forget (pregnancy brain!).  So we have another couple millimeters to go and should get there by Friday.   

This week Mike rented a fetal doppler for us to use until I can feel movement. On the one hand, I’m excited to be able to check on him at any time to make sure he’s still alive and kicking – until he can ACTUALLY kick.  But on the other hand….what if I don’t hear the heart beat one day?  That will cause more anxiety than anything else.  And then what am I supposed to do- call the doctor and say “I’ve been using a fetal doppler and don’t hear the heart, can I come in?”.   I feel like that will make me the freaky worry wart mom that I am trying NOT to be.  Though it would inform me of a problem before anything else….but if everything is ok and we don’t know how to use it then we may be doing ourselves a disservice.   I guess it doesn’t matter- that fetal doppler shipped today and we’re getting to the point in the pregnancy that we SHOULD be able to hear the heart. 

I am feeling pretty good for the most part.  The nausea I had week 6/7 (which felt like FOREVER) is now subsiding a little bit, and so has my tiredness.  I still sleep 9 or 10 hours a night which is what I feel like I NEED, but I feel less tired during the day and I think am less likely to nap.  Though I did nap last Saturday and it was amazing…I don’t know why I fight the nap.  I feel less bloated and am still fitting in normal pants for now, but I think in the next couple of weeks I’m going to pop a button.  I am trying not to eat for two but my stomach is always growling.   I don’t want to use this as a license to eat but it’s really hard considering all I want is PB&J, ice cream, and sweets.  Or pasta.  I could go for stuffed shells tonight, I think that’s what I’ll make. Yummm

7w3d..mixed reviews

This morning was even worse than last Friday.  I had two full breakdowns before I got to the doc's office. But we got through it today and will forge on to another week!  Heartbeat is at 140bpm up from 120bpm last week.  Our little nugget has doubled in size and I saw the heartbeat flickering away. 

  

I told the u/s tech that for the past couple of days I have had bloating and pain in my back.  She located some follicles that apparently had burst and we could see the fluid around them.  They said it wasn't a big deal and I was just glad it wasn't the ectopic pregnancy I had been dreading.  

Everything looked great according to the doctor, no bleeding around the pregnancy, significant growth and strong heartbeat.  He asked how I was feeling, and I told him about the nausea, bloating, fatigue and spotting during the last week. He seemed surprised at the spotting but said it was probably from my cervix not from the pregnancy. I should have known there would be an issue when the nurses called me today with results from my bloodwork- they never call if all is well.  They said that my HcG is around 92,000 which is a good, stable number, but my progesterone had dropped significantly from the prior appointment.  What I didn't tell them, though, is that I had stopped taking my progesterone shots one week ago.  It was stupid and reckless, but I couldn't take one more shot in my butt.  I thought if everything was right, my body would take over and do what it was supposed to do.  Unfortunately, I was mistaken and as of today I am taking all the shots in my butt one person can handle.  I will never divert from their instructions again, and I am completely freaking out at the thought of losing this pregnancy.  My next appointment is Tuesday morning to check my progesterone levels again, and since I'm being a good little patient, hopefully they are up.