16 weeks- Happy New Year

We hosted New Year's Eve at our house again this year (as we have done for the past 5 years) and this is the first time in a long time that I didn't make it to midnight!  Of course, I knew that beforehand so we were able to compromise and scale down the party to immediate family only this year (usually I would have had about 30 people and it was a lot of work).  I'm sure the landscape of our parties will continue to evolve over the next few years, but some of us are having a difficult time accepting that fact and are resistant to change.

I heard my man again yesterday, and it's getting easier to find him with the Doppler.  The heartbeat is very loud and was around 155-160bpm.  Right now, he's about the size of an avocado: 4 1/2 inches long (head to rump) and 3 1/2 ounces. His legs are much more developed, his head is more erect than it has been, and his eyes have moved closer to the front of his head. His ears are close to their final position, too. He's even started growing toenails. His heart is now pumping about 25 quarts of blood each day.  He is working hard in there! Just knowing he is still alive makes me sleep easy at night.

I haven't had any weird issues the past couple of weeks (knock on wood!). My tiredness continues to subside - I am able to stay up until 10PM some nights if I'm able to sleep in until 8AM, which is a feat for me!  I reluctantly complain because I am so so lucky to be here and hate to tempt fate. But, my biggest "complaint"right now is that I feel ugly. I don't look like myself, like my actual facial features are changing. I can't pinpoint it exactly, but I look at pictures of myself from last year or a few years ago, and it's like, where is that girl?  My skin is like a teenager, my hair seems to be changing its texture and I can't style it like I used to, and my weight is upsetting to me.  I know I'm supposed to be gaining weight, and think that I am eating normally (not over indulging).  But, I gained about 10 lbs in 14 weeks.  That is astounding to me, especially because I didn't think I was doing anything different.  I am VERY aware that I am not supposed to be "eating for two", but only getting an extra 300 or so calories a day.  I obviously am not doing a good job if I gained 10 lbs.  Who knows where it will go from this point on, but I am so hungry all the time! I wake up most nights at 4am and can't sleep because of the hunger so I have to go downstairs and get some crackers. I guess I have to follow my body cues and if I'm hungry, I have no choice but to eat.  I can't deprive him of what he needs, maybe make better choices at night and eat a little closer to bed time?

Enough of my pity party, I am fortunate to only have those problems!  I know I have many weeks to go but I think I've been lucky so far with actual pregnancy symptoms. My favorite foods right now are cereal and soymilk, cantaloupe & watermelon, bananas, apples, and chocolate.  Staying away from meat, refined foods, artificial sweeteners, coffee (never was a big drinker anyway) and dairy.  I really need to do to a better job with fresh veggies but I want to gag when I see them.  Maybe dipping them in hummus will help. I also need to hop on the treadmill; I haven't worked out for almost 5 months because I was on restriction from IVF, then having so many spotting/bleeding problems that I didn't want to aggravate the issue. Maybe being this far along it will do me some good, except I can't shake my obsession with incompetent cervix.

15 weeks- Merry Christmas and happy prenatal bloodwork!

We had  a very Merry Christmas and just knowing what is in store for us in 2012 makes us feel like the luckiest people in the world!

This week was not without it's drama, of course.  I had some spotting earlier this week followed by a call to the new doctor.  They returned my call and took the opportunity to share the results of my prenatal first trimester bloodwork.  The nurse said that my thyroid hormone was low, I was vitamin D deficient and that my antibody screen came back positive.  The last one really threw me.  I am O negative and M is O positive, which is not bad if it's your first pregnancy, but if you've ever had a D&C, miscarriage or any other opportunity for your baby's blood to mix with yours, it could be dangerous.  They give you Rhogam after D&C and any other procedure (amnio, CVS) to try to prevent the issues that it causes- my blood would build up antibodies to the baby's blood and then start attacking it.  This leads to anemia in the baby and possibly blood transfusions in utero and after birth.  So for my first m/c (blighted ovum) I didn't get Rhogam because there technically was no baby (just and empty sac) therefore no blood cells.  My second m/c I had the D&C so they gave me Rhogam in the hospital to prevent sensitization.  At my 11 week appointment with the RE, they gave me Rhogam just in case, because I had some spotting and the busted capillary issue.  So when my antibody screen came back positive (i.e. "sensitized") it was cause for much alarm.  It wasn't until my third hour scouring on the internet that I found out the Rhogam actually stays in your system for about 12 weeks, and will cause any antibody screen you have to be "positive" even though you aren't.  Eventually, it will go away and you will come back negative.  Wow, really wish the nurse had explained that one on the phone.  Could have saved me about 3 hours of complete and total panic, anger, and upset.

So BESIDES that, we had a very nice holiday weekend, and I am off this entire week for some rest and relaxation!  I am hoping to visit my IVF nurses this week to give them the gift basket I made them, along with cigars for the doc and a bottle of nice wine for each of the embryologists.

14 weeks

This week I had my first real OBGYN appointment and got to hear the baby on the fetal doppler again! I am pleased to say he is still alive and kicking in there!! I dream about him all the time....

This week's big developments: baby can now squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his thumb! Thanks to brain impulses, his facial muscles are getting a workout as his tiny features form one expression after another.  From head to bottom, he measures 3 1/2 inches and he weighs 1 1/2 ounces. His body's growing faster than his head, which now sits upon a more distinct neck. By the end of this week, his arms will have grown to a length that's in proportion to the rest of his body.  He's starting to develop an ultra-fine, downy covering of hair, called lanugo, all over his body.

13 weeks

This past Saturday I finally heard his little heart beat on the fetal Doppler! I was about to have a nervous breakdown and just went for it, knowing I might not have been able to hear it. It took me a couple of minutes, but I finally detected it by pressing on the lower left quadrant of my abdomen…so hard that I think I bruised. It was different than anything else I have heard and the Doppler registered about 165bpm, which is what was showing at the doctor’s office. It was thrilling and completely turned my mood around. All of a sudden I was full of energy and I felt a renewed confidence that everything was going well. Since my last RE appointment at 11 weeks I was feeling very anxious and depressed, just wondering what was going on in there. As of today, I am still feeling good about everything. I was supposed to have my first appointment with my new OBGYN today, but two of his patients were in labor so the appointment was moved until tomorrow afternoon. I suppose that will be a downfall of a smaller practice- when there are only two of them, appointments get shifted quite a bit. Hopefully it will all be worth it and I will like the new doc and he will listen to my concerns. I don’t even think I want to feign crying for an ultrasound; I would be satisfied with hearing the heartbeat via Doppler. That seems to be enough to calm me, though I always love a picture of the little bugger.

I bought more maternity clothes from Old Navy this week. I got like 10 pieces for $80 with all of their holiday specials and free shipping. They have pretty cute/cheap stuff on there but I told myself I’m not going to stock up too much because I’ll never wear these things again after my pregnancies. I do need a winter coat though- I can’t button any of mine across the chest or belly! I also am graduating beyond a 34DD- what is next? DDD or E?? I guess I should do some research because the girls are feeling restricted. We are still holding off on any registering, furniture, or clothes shopping at least until the new year and I am beyond 16 weeks. For some reason 16 weeks is sticking in my head as a good point to really cut loose and give into my nesting urges- that’s when I’m going to tell my employer (and anyone else who will listen) about my pregnancy. It marks the almost halfway point of my pregnancy and feels like the right time. But I must confess…I’ve already got some things bookmarked on Babies R Us.

12 weeks

I am so close. I don’t even want to say anything for fear that I will jinx it. But I am one week away from being officially through my first trimester. I am so blessed to be in this place I just can’t even believe it. I thank the Lord every day that I am able to carry this baby. I pray that I will continue to be able to carry him to term and everything will go just as I had imagined. The first part of this journey has not gone as planned (as most things in our life often don’t) but am hopeful that this second leg of the race will be successful!


I have officially started to wear the Bella Band that I bought for my pre-pregnancy pants. It is so comfortable to not use buttons! I think work people are starting to suspect, though. I am starting to move beyond the “just had a few too many beers” phase. I try to sit at my desk and not walk around a lot so I can push my chair in all the way to hide my belly. But I don’t want to hide it! I want to show it off for the entire world to see!! Nausea is gone, but the weird appetite is not. If I could have it my way, I’d have pizza for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Unfortunately (or fortunately), I live with a nutrition nazi who makes sure I get ample vitamins and a balanced diet every day – or he shames me. In a loving way, of course. I am really moody, lot of ups and downs. But I am trying to focus more on the ups because this is what I’ve been waiting for my entire life! I am living the dream that I had hoped for and I want to enjoy every moment of it. So many people can’t experience this and I thought for sure I was going to be one of them. But by the miracle of modern science and the Lord, here we are.

I have an appointment with my new OBGYN next Thursday. I switched OBGYN’s last week to be able to deliver at Christiana Hospital in DE instead of Chester County Hospital. Christiana has private rooms and a nationally ranked NICU in case of emergencies. Also, it is a little bit closer for us than riding those back roads to West Chester. I chose an OBGYN affiliated with the hospital, who also happens to be affiliated with a Birth Center in the same area. He was actually trained to be a midwife but became a doctor instead and I am EXTREMELY interested in hearing that story. He’s ranked very well on all of the doctor rating websites so I figured I couldn’t lose. I am intrigued by Birth Centers and natural, un-medicated births in general. The fact that everyone is telling me I can’t do it or won’t want to do it makes me want to do it more. To prove to them they are a bunch of p’s. I mean, my own mother gave birth to two babies naturally… and a 7 pounder and a 9 pounder no less! If she can do it, I have no doubt that I can do it, too. The Birth Center near me accepts patients up to 32-34 weeks so I have time to decide, and in the meantime I’m going to be cared for by the doctor. Stay tuned I guess.

11 weeks- Graduation Day!

I have officially “graduated” from my RE to my OBGYN.  This is definitely a bittersweet moment, but mostly sweet.  The staff at MLF and my RE have been great throughout the entire process, and I appreciate them so much for everything.  But I am so GLAD I never have to see them again!  That is, until the next baby.  They are sending my paperwork to my current OBGYN, and I am subsequently going to leave my current OBGYN to join a practice that is affiliated with two hospitals in the area and one birth center.  Unfortunately, my current OBGYN is not affiliated with any birth centers, and I really would like that as an option for my birth plan.  

Today’s u/s was the most entertaining of them all!  The little man was huge!  He was measuring 11w1d (which is right on track) and had a heartbeat of 167 bpm.  He is about the size of a plum (I’m told) and he was jumping around in there like a little monkey!  It was hilarious…he was bending his little knees and springing himself up towards the top of the screen.  I.am.in.trouble!!  He also moved in such a way that you could see his little rump, his two legs, and then something sticking out in between!! The u/s tech asked if we knew what we were having, and after I told her yes she said “good because that’s his sex organ right there between his legs”.  I couldn’t believe it!  That’s definitely not the irish in him…lol J  I seriously love him and I am totally in for it- he is going to crush me, I just know it.  That little jumping bean on the u/s screen has already stolen my heart!  We didn’t get a very good picture because he was moving around too much.

As for my future with my RE and his practice, I asked how soon after a baby is born that I could start my next IVF cycle.  I know, I know, I never focus on the present. But I wanted to get his thoughts on our last appointment.  He said that he needs me to not be breastfeeding for at least two months before we start another FET or fresh cycle, so I am thinking Jan/Feb 2013 would be the earliest we would get back on the IVF horse.  My 32^nd birthday is tomorrow (what a great birthday present today was!) so I didn’t want to push up to far against the 35 deadline because then it’s an uphill battle even WITHOUT all of my chromosome issues.  I would like to be done by 35 and put these horrific childbearing years behind me.  That’s so sad. I was looking forward to these years my entire adult life and I’ve been reduced to rushing through them to get to the other side.  I hate infertility.

I have to do some serious thinking about IVF nurse and RE gifts.  I have off the week between Christmas and New Years and I wanted to visit the office in Bryn Mawr to see those guys and give little “thank yous”.  I’m leaning towards bath & body gift sets or some kind of gift from Harry & David.  I wanted to stay away from alcohol because some people don’t drink, and also anything Christmas because I don’t know who’s Christian vs. Jewish.  M wants to get the RE some Cubans, and my last task today was to make sure I asked him if he smoked cigars before I left his office.   I suppose all of these are trivial things, because “thank you” just doesn’t seem adequate for the team that helped us to realize our dreams.   Although we aren’t out of the woods yet (still 2 more weeks until I’m out of the first trimester), I am feeling very good about where we’ve come from.   If I start to panic about miscarriage or losing the baby, M always reminds me that our peanut has already weathered like 7 rounds of the natural selection process to get where he is today- egg retrieval, ICSI, reaching blast, a freeze AND a thaw, transfer, and implantation.  And we hope he isn’t going anywhere any time soon!

9w3d- Peanut! and giving thanks.

The big man looks like a peanut in his u/s today. I can see arms and I think I saw some eyes too.  His head/body are looking less shrimp-like and more round.  My little monkey.  He is measuring right on target and heartbeat is still strong!  I am feeling better than I have in awhile- once the spotting from earlier this week stopped.  I still have a weird appetite, but the nausea is almost 100% gone.  I busted out some maternity jeans for work today and good Lord do I love them. They are just like denim pajama pants.  Why would I not wear these pre- and post-pregnancy?!  Eh, I guess that’s old lady-ish but still. 

I have my last appointment at the RE’s office on Tuesday 11/29 and at that point he said I should be taken off all of my meds.  I’m glad I have one more appointment for 11 weeks, just for my own sanity.  My first pre-natal appointment at the OBGYN’s is 12/8 and I’m trying to see how I can slyly get an appointment either right before or right after that around 12 weeks.  I just really am addicted to seeing my little cutie and I don’t know how I will do it when these weekly visits stop!

Since we are coming up on the Thanksgiving holiday, I have had some time to reflect on what I am thankful for, including:

-          My husband, who puts up with my 9pm toddler outbursts because I am hungry/tired/sick/crazy

-          My parents and family, who are always supportive of me and have taken part in this emotional rollercoaster since it began 18 months ago

-           PGD/IVF/ my RE for giving me the gift of life, when my statistics said it would mostly likely never happen for me

That is on my top three, there are many more things to be thankful for this year and every year.  I know we have been through so much but I realize more and more every day how truly blessed we are, even if the baby thing doesn’t work out for us.  We don’t have much to complain about, that’s for sure.