FET #1 Fail and ...an Anniversary

After my last appointment they called me that afternoon to tell me my Estrogen was up from the previous appointment, which was a good sign.  My appointment this morning on CD 22 showed my lining measuring 6.3mm and the dominant follicle measuring 12mm, so at least there was some growth in the last 4 days.  They said that they like to see the lining in the upper 7mm’s and the leading follicle around 18mm before they trigger anything.   My ovaries are definitely revolting by not doing what they are supposed to be doing.  So, unfortunately I got a call this afternoon from my IVF nurse notifying me that the doctor is canceling this FET cycle due to poor ovarian response and that I am to call with my next period.  This all happened after the earthquake hit at around 1:45pm EST today..quite fitting. 


This week also marks the anniversary of my first miscarriage in August 2010. I cannot believe it has been a full year since the event that caused me to question everything I know about procreation.  On the positive side, I have never been so enlightened or educated about a single topic in my entire life.  I feel  like I have taken my diagnosis into my own hands and I am an advocate for myself in every way.  Of course, on the negative side (there are so many), I feel bitter and resentful with every single birth announcement I get.  I know it's not right, but hey, it's the place in life I am in right now.  I also feel quite alone a lot of the time.  M is great, but when I am down he often gets frustrated with me because I can't look on the "positive" side.  For instance, I tell him about the canceled FET cycle and say that I'm sad, but he immediately goes to "why can't you look on the bright side for once, we didn't lose anything".  I can't really talk to my mom about it either because I don't want to cause her more worry. I really just want someone to say "Yes I understand, and this SUCKS" and just leave it at that, you know? Not try to solve it or re-hash it...just listen.  Sometimes, that's the best thing you can do for someone.

Stilllll Waiting...Cycle Day 18 Monitoring Appt

I feel like my body is reacting angrily to the past 5 months of BCPs, Lupron, Stim meds, Progesterone, Estrogen and simply just not moving forward.  I went for my CD 18 check, and my lining is 5.7mm (up from 5.3mm but sooo not good enough) and my leading follicle is still only 10mm, which is exactly what it was on Monday.  Needless to say, I am feeling very defeated and the thought of waiting even more weeks than I already have has me really down.  I am still waiting for the call to let me know how my bloodwork came out, but I used an OPK this morning that gave me a big fat zero, so no LH surge, which is what I would expect considering my lining is thin and my eggs aren’t ready to ovulate yet.  I asked my IVF nurse what the plan of attack would be and she said generally the doc wouldn’t wait for me to just “naturally” come around.  She thinks that they will start me on Estrogen pills to get my lining to thicken, wait one week then check me again.  Then I guess schedule a transfer?  I have no idea since the transfer wouldn’t happen in my normal cycle because I haven’t had one yet!!  I am in such a bad mood today because of all of this and I don’t know what to do with myself right now.  This is the worst.

Slowwww Starter

That's what I was told today by the RE's office.  I went for my CD 14 monitoring bloodwork and ultrasound, and as of this morning my LH levels are still low and there is no dominant follicle emerging (lining is 5.3mm)  I know that on a normal, non BCP, non stim cycle I have around a 32 - 34 day cycle, which means ovulation on Day 16-18.  So I suppose we are right on track, but I don't like it one bit!! I was fantasizing about a Monday embryo transfer and right now that is pushed to next Friday at the earliest.   My next appointment is this coming Friday 8/19 and hopefully we will see some movement at that time.

Last night I had a dream that I was pregnant before one of my FET monitoring appointments.  I took an HPT and saw two lines...then proceeded to try to figure out how I was going to hide it from the IVF nurses because I was scared they would be disappointed with me since I had 3 normal frozen embryos waiting in the wings.  When I went for my  monitoring appointment, the nurse gave me an u/s and saw a fetus to confirm my pregnancy.  I was so happy.  I hope that is a sign of things to come!!!

FET Monitoring appointment #1 and Babies at the RE's office

This past Thursday we had our first FET monitoring appointment on cycle day 10.  It was really just to check hormone levels and take ultrasound of my ovaries to make sure I wasn't about to ovulate early in my cycle.  Everything looked good and I was given more free meds, including Crinone (a progesterone suppository), antibiotics, and methylprednisolone.  Still no word from the doctor on how many they want to transfer this cycle but I'm sure this coming week we will talk about it more.

There is a sign at my RE's office that says "Please be considerate of our patients and do not bring your children into our office.  We are happy to meet them after business hours."  Now, to me, that just makes sense; even if I were to get pregnant, I would never dream of bringing my babies into that office because I know the pain of what it means to even BE there.  Yet, I have seen countless women trek their babies and toddlers in and out of the waiting room and the back room where they take your bloods/ultrasound.  Are they that oblivious or do they just not care?

I guess I understand if you are a mom who has no where else to take them and you have to make your appointment, but just be prepared for the dirty looks.

FET #1 Calendar

I am so excited.  I haven't been this excited or happy in a very very long time.  I am feeling so hopeful and positive I'm almost starting to scare myself.

I talked to the IVF nurses at my RE's office this week, and turns out they are going to do a "natural cycle" FET cycle.  I got AF earlier this week (Tuesday 8/2) and called the office.  They let me know that the doc wanted me to come in for bloodwork and U/S on Thursday 8/11 (CD 10) and they would continue to monitor me through CD 14.  They are looking for a dominant follicle to emerge, and at that time they will trigger me to induce ovulation, then about 6/7 days after that will do the FET.  So in actuality, we could be having a transfer the week of August 22nd! That is SO MUCH CLOSER than I originally thought and it was such a welcome burst of good news!   Even better, I don't have to be on the horrible fertility meds like last time- no stim meds, no Lupron, no BCP- just HcG trigger shot, progesterone, and medrol.

I could have a positive HPT by the end of this month.  The mere thought of it makes me giddy. Oh man, I really hope this is it.  I wonder how many we can transfer??